Feeling Resistance? It Has a Positive Message for You



Back in 2004, I was directing a retreat called "Open Up Your Heart and Let Yourself Out" at the Serra Retreat House in Malibu, California. While perusing through their bookstore, I came across the book "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken. As I read through portions of the book, I felt fear, trepidation and ultimately-- resistance. I immediately wanted to put the book down and never look at it again.

 But after a few minutes, I picked the book back up and when I realized how strongly I was feeling resistance to what I was reading, I realized that resistance had a positive message for me. I traced the feeling of resistance back to denial. This book was challenging the denial that I was still trapped in.

 Yes, I had been in recovery for codependence for several years at this point, and I understood that I was powerless over other people. But what I hadn't owned up to were my two primary side addictions, which I turned to when I felt codependently overwhelmed and empty inside: Shopping and sugar/salty foods.

 What I was reading in "The Addictive Personality" was challenging my denial around these side addictions and there was a voice in my head saying "Put this book down. If you keep reading, you will have to change." That voice was the voice of my addictive personality. It felt frightened and fearful of being annihilated if I kept reading and made a conscious choice to change my behavior.

 Suddenly, I knew I had to purchase this book and start reading it seriously. I had to own up to the side addictions I was relying on to medicate away my emotional pain when I was powerless over another person, and had no way to make them make me happy.

 Then I thought about the first time I walked into the Steps Alano Club in St. Louis, Missouri to attend my very first CODA meeting. The first floor was for A.A. meetings and when I walked in the door I was greeted with an overpowering fog of cigarette smoke. Next I saw a large group of people smoking and drinking coffee. They were the recovering alcoholics, who had switched to side addictions like cigarettes and coffee to help them to cope without alcohol.

 These experiences have helped me to realize to this day that when I feel resistance to something I read, or to something someone else says or does, that resistance has a powerful, positive message for me. It's telling me that another area of denial has been hit upon inside of me and I need to figure it out and face it.

 I do so my connecting with my Higher Power and asking for the ability to understand what my feeling of resistance is trying to teach me in terms of where I still need to change to become an emotionally/spiritually healthier person.

 If you are feeling resistance, what are you refusing to face? What are you running from? We can only find inner-healing when we stop resisting it, stop running from ourselves, face it and surrender it to God, or our Higher Power.

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