Words Mean Nothing. Behavior Speaks Volumes.

Many people enter into Recovery, but few stick with the program. Why? Because Recovery takes a great deal of mental, emotional and spiritual work. Recovery forces us to daily focus on changing our lives for the better, and too many people don’t want to make the effort to redeem their lives from the past, to take the time to learn new ways of thinking and behaving and to move forward.

Sadly, too many people enter Recovery programs expecting either a quick fix of themselves, or stuck in a pattern of denial where they want to simply blame the world for their pain and they want the world to be responsible for fixing them. Well, in Recovery there is only one person responsible for fixing our lives— and we are that person.

I’ve had many people seek help from me, only to watch them walk away when they found out how much effort it was going to take for them to become responsible for changing their own lives. Many of them just wanted to forever blame their parents for their addictions, or they wanted someone else to do the work of fixing them.

I remember a man who came to see me on and off about his drug and alcohol issues. They had destroyed his family life and he was now separated from his wife and children. It was obvious to me from the start that he didn’t want to do the inner-work that he needed to do, and I stopped hearing from him. Then one day he called me again, said he was really serious about Recovery and made an appointment with me.

I was willing to give him another chance, so we sat down and talked. He said he was off of drugs but was still drinking. After listening to his story, I told him he needed to do three things: Stop the drinking, get to A.A. and get a sponsor. He had just told me that he had a good friend in the Program, and I suggested he call this friend, ask for guidance and even ask him if he’d be willing to sponsor him.

He agreed to do as I had asked and even asked to make another appointment with me for the following week. I was hopeful that he was serious this time, but his behavior quickly proved that hope to be futile. The day before the second appointment, I found a message on my office phone from him saying he’d forgotten he had to go to Phoenix the day of our appointment and that he’d call back   and reschedule.

In my gut, I knew he had cancelled the appointment because he hadn’t followed through on the three things I had instructed him to do. He still wasn’t serious about Recovery and I was never going to hear back from him. That was three years ago and my gut instinct was right: I have never heard back from him.

Words mean nothing without action. A person’s behavior says it all. We can’t help anyone in Recovery if they are not willing to help themselves first. So if you are trying to rescue someone, STOP. It’s impossible. You are wasting your time. Let go and give them to God or your Higher Power. Only a Higher Power can rescue the person who doesn’t want to rescue themselves.