It’s Impossible to Save Someone Who Has Abandonment Issues

Codependents, even recovering ones, have a bad habit of choosing the most unavailable people to befriend or even fall in love with. We pick people who are emotionally unavailable, or are perpetual victims of their own negative, self-loathing thoughts.

Initially the people we codependents choose to engage with are thrilled to receive our attention and concern. But at some point, because they feel so unworthy and bad about themselves, they inevitably become uncomfortable with the attention and concern we give them.

They will then subconsciously look for ways to sabotage the relationship by pushing us away. They will stop texting back, or they will stop calling us. They may say cruel things to us or they may not show up for a planned get-together. They may also start blaming us for all of their problems and withdraw any gratitude for anything we’ve ever done to simply be kind and empathetic with them.

In other words, they are forcing us to abandon them because abandonment is all they have ever experienced in their lives: As children, they were abandoned by their parents, they then learned to abandon themselves and develop a broken radar that attracted them to other people who would ultimately abandon them.

When someone enters their lives who chooses to stick with them, they can’t emotionally handle it because they are so steeped in abandonment issues. This is why they so often push away people who sincerely love them.

If someone pushes us away in this manor, we must learn to accept it. Their behavior isn’t our fault and we are powerless to fix them. So it’s better to walk away while surrendering them to the power of God and detach from them with love. We don’t have to forget them. We can always pray for them. But we need to emotionallly detach with love to protect ourselves and to stop wasting our time with someone who isn’t willing to befriend and help themselves.