Love Me Into Loving Myself


  

All throughout recovery, I've believed than no one can love me into loving myself. It seemed simple. If I don't love me, I'll never believe someone else truly loves me. That was certainly true when I was in the grips of my codependency gone wild-- before recovery. It was true because I always chose friends and lovers who were as addictively messed up as I was. No one who said "I love you" in those days was actually capable of loving anyone.

So, when I tried to get one of these persons t love me into loving myself, I was asking for the impossible. They didn't have the love to give me anymore than I had the love to give them. So we failed miserably-- and so did each of those relationships.

 Today it all seems very different. I actually do have friends who say they love me and they are able to prove they do through their behavior toward me. Likewise, I am better able to show them that I do love and value them, in ways I never could have before recovery.

In many ways, I think that the sincere honesty and love of these friends have helped me to love myself in small steps. They may be small but they are all in the right direction. As a result, I'm no longer terrified to open up and reveal who I am.It feels safe. And I definitely want to have authentic, life-giving relationships.

So, can someone love us into loving ourselves? I think it is possible that they can help us, but we have to be willing to move beyond our comfort zones and accept the love they offer to us. In addition, we have to be willing to do our part--  which means we must really work toward accepting and loving ourselves unconditionally. 

Ultimately, the only way another person can help us to love ourselves is if they are mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy. If they aren't, they will be incapable of loving us authentically because they will have no more to offer us than we would have to offer them if we weren't in recovery. 

Nurturing love inside ourselves and each other requires us both to becoming from healthy places within ourselves. It may seem difficult at first but as long as we have our recovery community and our Higher Power to help us, we can accomplish
healthy loving relationships that will last a lifetime.

 

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