Sometimes We Just Have to Be Done with Drama

 


 

The average addict is used to facing a great deal of chaos and drama in their daily lives. For years, one of my daily pleas was "God, can't I get through one day-- just ONE day-- without a problem that drains and exhausts me?" 

I don't make that plea in the same way anymore. That plea was about life handing me a different headache every day. Truth is, life wasn't the problem. I was the instigator of all of the daily chaos and drama in my life.

There was no way for Higher Power to answer my original plea until I woke up and decided to get out of the way. Initially, I found it easy to avoid creating drama in my life. But I have a tendency to create new ones when I'm really bored.

Today, I got up and said "I'm tired of struggling! I'm sick of being at war with myself! And I refuse to be a victim of my own thinking anymore." 

I've been trying too hard to control things about myself that I just cannot control. Hence, every day the drama of the uncontrollable has paraded through the Main Street of my mind, making me miserable. But I put up my hands this morning and said "NO MORE!"

I'm done. I'm done with trying to control the things I cannot control, like almost every aspect of my body, the shower curtain that won't stay sealed to keep the water away from the floor, how much hair I have on my head, how my clothes fit, whether I'm doing my job right, etc.

Can you believe I made a drama out of something so insignificant as a shower curtain? It's codependent insanity. And yet, it creates just enough chaos to satisfy my addictive need for it.

It's bad enough when we addicts create drama around our own lives, but it gets much worse when we subconsciously choose to create dramas around other people lives and behaviors. My eye is constantly on him or her, ready to make an assumption or a judgment. "Why did she say that to me? Oh, she must not like me. What did I do wrong?" This is my "Boohoo Drama." A life-long drama that has no basis in reality.

Of course, I'm also finding myself wanting to control what others are doing or not doing. "How come he didn't show up for a meeting at work?" "How can anyone dress that way and think they look good? Don't they have a mirror?" "What's up with that man-bun? It's awful." How could anyone be interested in really stupid entertainment like that?" Is any of this my business? No. People are free to like and do what they want. No one needs my approval and I don't need anyone else's either.

The good news is now I'm aware of all this bad thinking. And I don't want to be held hostage by it anymore. Now, I'm aware of all the judgments I make against myself and everyone around me. And now, I can choose to stop. If a negative, controlling thought comes into my head today (and a dozen already have), I can say "Stop! Not going there. It's not within my power to be judging everyone." Let go!

The sooner we can free ourselves from creating our own troubles through self-chosen dramas, the sooner we will know peace inside. I'm already feeling some of that peace by relinquishing my need to care about things I'm powerless over.

Think I'll practice breathing instead of drama. After all, I'm done with chaos. I'm not mad or angry anymore. I'm just done and ready to chill into a life that's often beyond my healthy control.

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