Self-Acceptance + Self-Care = Personal Power

 

I'm learning that being happy is more than feeling good about ourselves. It's also about taking good care of ourselves; meeting all of our personal needs because we believe we are worth the investment. And I admit this idea used to make me gag, especially when I was looking at me in a mirror.

Good self-care requires a reasonable dose of self-acceptance. But that self-acceptance doesn't have to be 100% to get us into a better place. I've been in recovery since 1995. I am one of those who immediately "got it" in my head shortly after I entered recovery. But it's taken me years to "get it" emotionally. Self-acceptance, self-care, mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love all require that we face our feelings and reclaim our serenity by cleansing ourselves of our past, dark emotions-- and the fear that drove us into our addictions.

Over this past week, small miracles have happened in my life. First, a chestful of dark feelings was lifted from my body when a white butterfly flew into my car and whisked past me flying in one window and out another. The next day, after eating pizza at Andy's, I went walking with a remarkable heartfelt swagger that I had never felt before. I had been determined to take care of myself by taking back my personal power from everyone I'd given it to-- which was basically the entire world.

I walked past people thinking to myself "Look people, I'm owning my personal power and I feel great!" I suddenly noticed, as I continued to walk, that my eyes weren't searching all around for someone to rescue me from me. I realized that this need to be rescued was a large part of my problem in social settings. I'm sure my body language must have projected that emotional neediness onto everyone who looked my way. No wonder person after person scurried away so fast!

Feeling that needy meant I wasn't taking care of my own mental and emotion needs. I was still codependently seeking-out someone else to meet my needs. And I understand why now: It was because my self-acceptance was still poor. As a result, I didn't think I was good enough or worthy enough to meet my own needs. Someone else had to pull me out of my hell-hole.

Yesterday, I was out walking again, and it almost felt natural to walk with my head up, while enjoying the cool breeze and feeling like I was owning my space in this world. My eyes were taking in everything around me, including the people I encountered, but I wasn't feeling anxious, or looking like a lost puppy in need of rescue. I felt free. And I knew this was because of my self-acceptance which has led to better self-care: getting out and walking for exercise, limiting the foods I love (the ones that don't love me back), sleeping well, and making the conscious effort to remind myself wherever I go that I am now owning my personal power.

I am also rejoicing in the fact that I no longer feel the need to explain myself or provide excuses for who I am or what I do to anyone. What I choose to do is my business and no one else's. I will no longer explain myself to others, or even think that I have to do so. I will live my life and everyone else is free to live their lives. And they don't have to explain themselves or make excuses for themselves to me.

I have also been very grateful to my Higher Power for all of the progress that I am so quickly making, after years and years of not "getting it." Or refusing to "get it" because it made me squeamish to think I deserved better in this life.

The lesson for today: Self-care is a great gift to enjoy once we have improved our self-acceptance.