Understanding and Healing Addictive Attraction
“(Beside me) Need your lovin' here beside me (To guide me) Keep it close enough to guide me (Inside of me) From the fears that are inside of me You're the biggest part of me.” Ambrosia, The Biggest Part of Me (1980) I always loved the song “The Biggest Part of Me” by Ambrosia. It fed my codependent neediness; the belief that someone else could fill me up and make me Ok by being the biggest part of me. I used to believe that I needed to lose myself in someone else; that I needed to become less of me and more of them and then life would be paradise. And I thought that this process was all part of falling in love. But I’ve learned that codependents don’t fall in love, they fall into addictive attraction. Believing that someone else can become the biggest part of me is an insane addictive obsession. Sometimes addictive attraction is totally one-sided and sometimes it’s mutual—at least early on. More often than not, a person with an addictive personality is a...