Soulshine

I don’t believe the compulsion to control another person is ever for the benefit of the other person. It’s all about us. We feel insecure, we feel unlovable, we feel empty spaces growing inside of us and so we desperately turn to others to quiet our codependent crazies. When others aren’t being what we want them to be, when they aren’t making us feel OK about ourselves, we then do everything within our power to manipulate them into pleasing us. A good example of this theory comes from the novel Now Voyager . Jerry Durrance, a major character in the novel, is married to Isabel. It’s not a happy marriage because Isabel guilted and shamed Jerry into marrying her. Isabel is extremely insecure in herself and she must have all of Jerry’s attention. Unfortunately for Isabel, too much of Jerry’s attention goes to their younger daughter, Tina. Isabel feels terribly threatened by Tina. As a result, Isabel is always trying to make Jerry choose between her and Tina. When Jerry choose...

In the 1942 film Now, Voyager , there’s a very moving scene between Bette Davis (who plays Charlotte Vale) and Paul Henreid (who plays Jerry Durrance). It’s evening and the two are standing on the deck of an ocean-liner that’s heading toward Brazil. Earlier, they had spent the day site-seeing together.   Now, they’re sharing inner-secrets and taking time to actually be real with each other. Charlotte wipes away some very bittersweet tears and thanks Jerry for helping her to almost feel fully alive. It’s a touching, sad and yet hopeful moment for Charlotte—and those of us who can relate to her.  I’m not sure that I know what it feels like to be fully alive. There are times when, for just a few fleeting seconds, I have felt fully free, exhilarated and alive. It’s as if I am suddenly a real person in a real world that is filled with love, opportunities and excitement. The sky is electric blue, the air is fully fresh and I feel like I can swim oceans. But the feeling qui...