Soulshine

Guilt and shame are big problems for many addicts, including codependents. We feel guilt and shame about many things. Some of us feel the general guilt/shame of not being good enough; some of us feel body guilt/shame; and some of us feel an overall existence guilt, as if we don’t have the right to exist at all. Guilt/shame over not feeling worthy (or good enough), guilt/shame over our appearance (body) and existence guilt all go hand in hand. If we don’t feel good enough, that feeling can be rooted in many things; like not being a good enough son or daughter, or not being a good enough student, or not being a good enough person. Body guilt/shame is obviously about physical appearance. It might be that we feel we don’t have pretty enough hair, or we have feet that are too big, or we are too short, or we are too fat, or maybe we believe we just have an oddly shaped body that isn’t acceptable in the eyes of the world. All of these things combined can give us an over-arching exi...

“Darla repeatedly phoned the man she was dating despite his objections. The rejection she received validated her preexisting feelings of abandonment, unworthiness and anger at men.” Darlene Lancer , Conquering Shame and Codependency Codependency leads many of us into self-sabotaging behaviors. I remember a time when I felt so needy inside, so unworthy to even exist, that I thought I was going to die if I didn’t have someone validate my worth to even breathe air. At that time, I had just latched-on to a new “best” friend. Sometimes I felt like his lap dog. I needed him to constantly pat me on the head, tell me I was OK and reassure me that I was a good person and that he liked me. If I got that affirmation from him in the morning, it might last me all day, maybe even a couple of days, before I needed to have a new avalanche of affirmation about my worth. I do remember days, though, where once a day wasn’t enough. I needed affirmation after breakfast, after lunch, lat...