Soulshine

“I didn’t know I was broken until I wanted to change.” Bleachers, I Wanna Get Better (2014) No one suffering from codependency, or any other addictive personality defect, knows that they are “broken” until one day they decide they need to change. That day happened to me in early October of 1995. Prior to that day, I had no idea that I was the one with the problem. I knew I was rarely happy and I knew that most all of my relationships had a pattern of falling apart. But I thought it was always the fault of the other person and that fact that they refused to change in the many ways that I insisted that they change. It never once had occurred to me that I was the one who truly needed to change because my patterns of behavior were dysfunctional and extremely broken. The only change I was willing to engage in was a false sense of change known was people-pleasing. Yes, I would pretend to be whomever someone else wanted me to be; meaning I would pretend to like what they ...

It’s important to talk about feelings. I believe feelings are the rainbow of the soul. They give color to life by transforming a one dimensional world into three dimensional. Feelings are beautiful and yet they are also devastating. It’s been six months since I stopped taking Zoloft, and since I started reacquainting myself with my feelings. For the most part, it’s been a good experience. I have had some bouts of terrible sadness. During those days, I learned to reach out to other people. I called friends, even old friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. Reaching out to others helped me to realize the importance of having a support system and that I don’t have to face difficult feelings all by myself. When I was younger, I always walked through all of my sadness alone. It wasn’t a healthy thing to do, but I never felt like anyone would really care. I realize that was a mistake now. We do need the support of others. Sadness is a healing feeling. It takes us from the edge of...