Soulshine

Want is the root of all the emotional evil we perpetrate against ourselves. Everything we want that is out of the scope of our having poisons our souls. Think about all of the people you have ever wanted to possess. Sometimes we meet someone and we immediately fall into infatuation with him or her. Or sometimes we have a good friend and we become too attached. We start depending on her more and we become increasingly clingy. Or we even start wanting him to become more than a friend and we begin fantasizing about being lovers. Sooner or later our emotional neediness takes us to new heights of want and despair when our friend begins to afford us less time, or it clearly becomes evident that this relationship is never going to enter the realm of romance. As reality shatters fantasy/denial, we find ourselves sinking deeper into self-loathing and depression. We feel unlovable and worthless. Why? Because we have pinned all of our hopes on having someone or something we want...

“Summer's gone, winter's in your eyes I can feel the thunder storms inside I wake every morning and the cold winds cover me All I've got's a ghost of what could be… I've got a heart of stone and it's sinking deep inside I want to tell you love I'm too proud to cry If you can see the lights shine in front of me If you can see the lights shout out where you'll be.” See the Lights by Simple Minds I know what it’s like to be around someone and to feel the “thunder storms inside” of me. It makes no difference if it’s one person or a whole party filled with people. I am now very aware of the storms that crash and thunder inside of me; the nervous tension that’s screaming “Let’s get out of here! I don’t feel safe! Run, run, run back to your car, to your house and hide!” Yes, I’m aware of the inner-storms that scream for me to run for cover—and I’m learning to allow them to subside without my having to run away from anyone, including myself...