Soulshine

We are all the salt of the earth. But when we fail to set proper boundaries, we lose our “taste” and we are then trampled underfoot. Likewise, we are all the light of the world, unless we refuse to respect ourselves by setting proper boundaries with others. We then whimper away, lick our wounds and hide our light under a bushel basket. Boundaries allow our light to shine before others. Boundaries show that we do love, respect and value ourselves. And they allow us to fully be who we are so that our talents flourish and add value to the world around us.   Simply put a boundary is:1) something (such as a river, a fence, or an imaginary line) that shows where an area ends and another area begins (in other words, where I end and you begin); 2) a point or limit that indicates where two things become different; 3) an unofficial rule about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior. The simplest boundary we can set is saying “No,” and yet it is the harde...

Most codependents have trouble saying “NO.” We allow ourselves to be put-upon. In fact, we often invite it. People learn quickly that we can’t say “No” to them or anyone. And so we develop a reputation. People know exactly who to look for if they need something done that they don’t want to do themselves. So they come and seek us out. They say “Were is that foolish little codependent?” as they scheme in their heads a new way to manipulate us into doing what they want. Sometimes they ask directly, but many times all they have to do is breathe a heavy sigh and tell us their dilemma. Once we hear that they need some type of help, many of us just jump right in and volunteer to be their victim without them even having to formally ask us. We sacrifice ourselves all for the purpose of pleasing them and reassuring ourselves that they will remain our friend. Obviously, we need to develop a new definition of friendship! And part of that definition means learning to set boundaries. S...