Soulshine

“Cause I'm only strong as glass They say I'm built to last but I could break Yeah I'm only strong as glass And I am all I have so if I break, there's no more.” Goapelle, Strong As Glass (2014) Most of my life I’ve felt as if I was only as strong as glass. And I don’t mean that in a physical sense, but in an emotional sense. Inside, my spirit or soul has always felt fragile. It was severely damaged in my childhood when I chose to give all of my personal power away to my parents and grandparents. This is a choice that most every child in an abusive home makes. Children basically have no other choice because they believe their parents and grandparents are infallible and all-powerful, like God. A child believes that his/her parents have to be right and that he/she has to be wrong. So when a child is shamed into believing that he/she is defective in some way, worthless or unlovable, he/she can reach that point of being emotionally devastated; even annihil...

“Summer's gone, winter's in your eyes I can feel the thunder storms inside I wake every morning and the cold winds cover me All I've got's a ghost of what could be… I've got a heart of stone and it's sinking deep inside I want to tell you love I'm too proud to cry If you can see the lights shine in front of me If you can see the lights shout out where you'll be.” See the Lights by Simple Minds I know what it’s like to be around someone and to feel the “thunder storms inside” of me. It makes no difference if it’s one person or a whole party filled with people. I am now very aware of the storms that crash and thunder inside of me; the nervous tension that’s screaming “Let’s get out of here! I don’t feel safe! Run, run, run back to your car, to your house and hide!” Yes, I’m aware of the inner-storms that scream for me to run for cover—and I’m learning to allow them to subside without my having to run away from anyone, including myself...

“Woke up this morning Closed in on all sides Nothing doing I feel resistance As I open my eyes Someone's fooling I've found a way to break Through this cellophane line Cause I know what's going on In my own mind. Am I living in a box Am I living in a cardboard box Am I living in a box Am I living in a cardboard box Am I living in a box?” Living In a Box by Living In a Box (1987) I’ve spent most of my life living in a box. As a child, I began constructing cardboard walls. Each and every passing year led me to reinforce these walls. During grade school and high school the walls were so well reinforced that they were practically indestructible. And by the time I reached college, I had closed the top on the box so tight that I could barely breathe inside of it. In many ways the box was an invisible shield around me. It protected me any time I needed to leave my room—my only place of safe-refuge within our house or the world for that matter. So t...