Soulshine

“No one knows you better than you know yourself, Do the thing you want, don't wait for someone else… Don't stand in the corner waitin' for the chance, Make your own music, start your own dance… (Spotlight) Everybody is a star, you know who you are (Shine bright) This is your chance to shine It's got to come from the heart, Do it right from the start and step into the light (Spotlight)” Madonna, Spotlight (1987) Spotlight has always been one of my favorite Madonna songs. I remember back in 1987, every time I heard this song my heart really resonated with the lyrics. And certainly now I know why: They were speaking directly to me, telling me it was time to get my act together, to get out of my corner, take ownership of my life and to step into the Spotlight as the star of my own life.   At the time, I was wasting my life standing on the sidelines, afraid to be me. I was mostly hiding from the world and yet I was also hoping and waitin...

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection   As recovering codependents, one of the most difficult things we must do is own our life story. For many years, I distanced myself from my story in the same way that I distanced myself from myself and from owning my own life. The strong desire I had to escape from myself meant that I had to escape from my story as well. And my method for escaping myself and my story was to enmesh in someone else and to come to own his identity and his story. Owning our story means many things to me. First, it means we have to come face to face with ourselves and decide that we will no longer run from who we are. In doing so, we have to look past our denial—all of it. We have to acknowledge and accept that we are worthy, good and lovable (though flawed) people. We have to be able to look in the mirror and say “I love and accept you just the...