If You’re Having a Problem With Someone, Ask Yourself “Who Has the Problem?”
Anytime I’m having a problem with someone else, I need to ask myself this question: “Who has the problem?” Obviously the answer is “I do.” This practice brings me back to reality. The problem is really with me, not the other person. And so I need to ask myself “What’s going on with me? What is it about me that’s being rubbed the wrong way by this person?” As I was giving some talks recently, someone raised their hand and asked “What do you do about people who are narcissistic?” I asked this person to elaborate. “Well,” she said, “There’s this lady in our bridge group and she’s always talking about herself and she’s just so narcissistic that I can’t stand to be around her.” I asked the woman speaking “Who has the problem here?” She looked puzzled and thought for a moment. Then she said hesitantly “I do.” I said “Bingo!” Then I asked “So who is it who has to change?” She said “I do.” I don’t think that was the realization that this woman wanted to arrive at. Most of us don’t like the ...