Solving Problems 101: Other People’s Problems
One of the most essential lessons that recovery teaches us is this: We are not responsible for the problems of other people, nor are we responsible for fixing them (other people or their problems). So many codependents are masters of the fine art of caretaking and that makes detachment from others and their issues especially difficult. Even after years of recovery, we may still feel tinges of guilt when others bring us their problems and we aren’t able to do anything. That’s OK. We can allow ourselves to feel the guilt (which is really about us wanting to boost our self-esteem by being needed), and we can let go of it. In the past, we wanted to fix everything for everyone for all of the wrong reasons. It was all about us and our need to be loved and needed. As we learn to love ourselves better, the urge to win the love of others through caretaking begins to subside. But we may still be faced with lingering doubts about whether or not we are doing enough when others we lov...