Soulshine

I’ve come to belief that there is a real difference between an anxiety attack and a panic attack. When I have an anxiety attack I feel unusually warm, almost like I’m coming down with a fever or the flu. My forehead doesn’t feel warm or feverish, however, and so I know I’m not really physically sick. I know it’s a mental/emotional discomfort that’s fueling a physical reaction. During an anxiety attack, my mind is relatively under control on a conscious level, but subconsciously, I know that I am facing some choices that mean taking a risk and possibly facing rejection or abandonment. So it’s really about learning to move past my comfort zone and to grow more into the real me, which is always frightening. A panic attack for me is like an anxiety attack times 10. My conscious brain is running on full-throttle with anxious, devastating, out-of-control thoughts that wind me up inside till I feel like I’m going to implode. There’s a sense of despair and hopelessness and there ...

“A nun I know once told me she kept begging God to take her character defects away from her. After years of this prayer, God finally got back to her: I’m not going to take anything away from you.  You have to give it to me.” Anne Lamont, Help-Thanks-Wow I’ve come to believe that prayer needs to be very simple and that it needs to be a partnership. Prayer, to me, is simply talking with a Higher Power; no need for rote prayers. The most honest prayer comes from the heart. I write it myself with my honesty and vulnerability. Prayer is a partnership in that I ask a Higher Power for help with the things I am powerless over, and in that I accept responsibility for the things I need to do to help myself. Prayer isn’t about asking a Higher Power to do everything while I sit back and wait. This partnership means I work hand-in-hand with a Higher Power to resolve life’s burdens, and it often leads to a partnership with others as well. I struggle with terrible bouts of sadne...

   On this Valentine's Day, I offer you a prayer for self-love and self-nurturing:     Love is God’s gift to me. It is a gift I choose to accept today. I will walk into the sunshine of God’s love and allow each love-ray to enliven my soul. As I bask in this great warmth, I will share it with myself— allowing myself to feel my own inner-love for simply being me.    I will nurture that love by kissing my shoulders, by wrapping my arms around myself and giving myself a heart-warming hug. Then I will take time to do something else nurturing for me, like taking a long, gentle walk. It will give me time to talk to my Higher Power and to strengthen my body. Next, I will eat a meal filled with fruits and vegetables. And finally, I will do something I love: Read a book, take a nap, or watch a movie.    Later I will make time for friends. I will call a friend or family member and connect on an emotional and spiritual level. In these and...

Ah, it’s another beautiful day in recovery! Well, until we meet someone whose neediness triggers all of our old behavioral patterns. Let’s say we’re having lunch with a friend and she has brought along a coworker. We feel an immediate attraction (attachment) to the coworker. Seems he’s just ended a bad relationship. As we listen to him speak, all of our caretaking sensibilities (or should I say nonsense-abilities) start rising from the grave within our souls. The more he speaks, the more we are convinced we can rescue him—and we aren’t even consciously aware that this is what is actually going on inside of us. As we munch on our sandwich, we begin projecting all of our old codependent neediness onto him. Suddenly he is as codependent and as needy as we want him to be. And we are convinced that we can use what we have learned in recovery to make him OK. We begin spilling out recovery jargon, telling him about the latest Melody Beattie book we’re reading, and helping hi...

Dear Lord, I believe I am God-Shaped-Whole. I am complete and I lack nothing that Your love cannot give me. My heart is complete when it is filled with love for You, myself and the love of others. Fill me with Your complete, unconditional love and help me to completely accept myself as a uniquely beautiful reflection of Your image and likeness. I will carry Your love in my heart as the fulfillment of my own self-love and as the grace I need to love everyone in my life. Amen.

Recently I have been praying to “flow with the positive energy of the Universe,” and it’s working. God is spirit, or the energy that keeps the entire universe flowing, and I’d rather be aligned with that energy than aligned against it. I started saying this prayer for positive flow on Sunday and I have to say that yesterday (Monday) was one of the best days I’ve ever experienced. I felt nothing but positive energy all day. And I got tremendous positive energy back from others as well. My first stop yesterday was the carwash. Usually I’m preoccupied, self-conscious and impatient for my car to be ready, but yesterday I was focused and I journaled the entire time. Before I knew it, my car was ready. I then ran a couple of errands before heading to Baggins, one of my favorite sandwich shops, for lunch. I’m familiar with all of the clerks/sandwich makers there as they are with me, but yesterday we all had really positive energy flowing between us just like we were old frie...

Today I choose to let go of all of my fears and of all my need to control life I allow myself to flow with the Universe in my rightful place and I choose to flow with complete freedom with self-love and the joy of knowing that all is as it should be whenever I choose to keep myself from getting in the way of the natural flow of the Universe. Let’s flow together world toward our Divine purpose. Amen.