Soulshine

“I am ashamed because I don’t know myself right now, and I’m forty-three.” John Grant, Why Don’t You Love Me Anymore? Look around the room at any 12 Step meeting and you will see people of all age groups; from those in their late teens to those in their seventies. Of course it’s easy to sit amidst these people and compare ourselves. Maybe we are just now entering recovery and we’re 43 years old. We see people in the seats around us who are in their twenties and we immediately feel old beyond hope. Suddenly the floodgates to shame and regret fly open and we begin to drown in our self-pity. We think “Wow, how did these kids get their act together so early in life? Why did it take me so long? I wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my life caught-up in my addictions and denial. If only I would have…” You can fill in your own regrets. Go ahead, Get it off your chest—then let go of it. Everyone enters recovery with regrets. I was in my thirties when I finally hit-bottom, an...

Let’s start by thinking of boundaries in this way: Boundaries are where you end and I begin, or vice-versa. Boundaries separate me from you and in doing so, they protect both of us. Many people go through life, however, without any sense of boundaries because they have very little sense of self. Instead of focusing on themselves and their own needs, they have spent their entire lives focusing on others and their needs. People with no or poor boundaries have blurred the line between where they end and other people begin. In many ways, these individuals are like Siamese twins to everyone that they have chosen to attach themselves to. They can tell you their husband’s favorite sport, their wife’s favorite color, their brother’s favorite food, their daughter’s favorite TV show or their best friend’s favorite book. But they can’t begin to tell you about their favorites in these or most any other category. They have been so busy assuming the identities of other people that thes...