Soulshine

“I am ashamed because I don’t know myself right now, and I’m forty-three.” John Grant, Why Don’t You Love Me Anymore? Look around the room at any 12 Step meeting and you will see people of all age groups; from those in their late teens to those in their seventies. Of course it’s easy to sit amidst these people and compare ourselves. Maybe we are just now entering recovery and we’re 43 years old. We see people in the seats around us who are in their twenties and we immediately feel old beyond hope. Suddenly the floodgates to shame and regret fly open and we begin to drown in our self-pity. We think “Wow, how did these kids get their act together so early in life? Why did it take me so long? I wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my life caught-up in my addictions and denial. If only I would have…” You can fill in your own regrets. Go ahead, Get it off your chest—then let go of it. Everyone enters recovery with regrets. I was in my thirties when I finally hit-bottom, an...

“So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.” Stephen Chbosky , The Perks of Being a Wallflower Friday I attended a talk by author Stephen Chbosky. At one point in his talk, he focused on Charlie, the protagonist of his book and film The Perks of Being a Wallflower . He said that he wanted to portray Charlie as the nicest person in the world. Charlie is someone that everyone should love. He’s kind, generous and loving. He accepts people as they are and consciously works at refraining from judging people. He’s open-minded and honest and trustworthy. His life should be perfect. And yet that is far from the truth. Charlie has suffered greatly at the hands of his family. As a small child, he was sexually abused by his Aunt Helen. Somehow, the rest of the family was totally oblivious to this big white elephant disruptin...

“I just know your life's gonna change Gonna get a little better Even on the darkest day I just know your life's gonna change Gonna get a little further right Until the feelings change.” Simon Webbe , No Worries Recovery requires lots of hope. I’m actually amazed when I look back over my life and see all of the hope that has pulled me through, even before I entered Codependents Anonymous. I remember days that were so dark, when I felt so unloved by everyone, including God, that I threatened God. I took a bottle of prescription medication, waved it in the air and screamed at God “If you don’t make things better NOW I’m going to swallow this entire bottle of pills!!!!!” Silence. And nothing happened. “I mean it!!!!” Silence. And nothing happened. I put the bottle down. I couldn’t do it. My demands weren’t being met, but I knew I couldn’t give up. It wasn’t that I was afraid to swallow the contents of the bottle, so it wasn’t fear that stopped me. It was hop...