Soulshine

Many of us addicts carry around our mistakes. We wear them like the very chains that weighted down the ghost of Jacob Marley in The Christmas Carol .  We need to learn to place all of our past mistakes, no matter how serious they were, under our feet. Once we have acknowledged them, owned them and made amends for them, they are no longer mistakes. Recovery transforms mistakes into wisdom. The wisdom we gain from each mistake then becomes a stepping stone toward new, healthier behavior. When placed into proper perspective we learn from our mistakes and we are then able to better move forward into healthier, happier lives.  So stop punishing yourself with your mistakes. They are part of the past. The wisdom you gain from them ensures a better future.

“Blame aggressively shifts shame onto someone else… Making someone else the problem allows us to feel better about ourselves, while having the effect of making the other person feel the way we really feel inside.” Darlene Lancer, Conquering Shame and Codependency Addicts love to play the blame game. Most of us are pretty poor at taking responsibility for our own mistakes and dysfunctional behaviors. This resistance is rooted in our poor self-esteem, which makes it nearly impossible for many of us to admit that we were wrong in any way. As a result, it’s often subconsciously important for us to make someone else responsible for our mistakes, as well as for the guilt and shame we feel about having made those mistakes. It’s rare for a codependent to be able to honestly laugh-off his/her mistakes. We don’t know how to laugh at ourselves and we are too paranoid that people will reject us for making mistakes. Our refusal to acknowledge and take responsibility for mistake...