Soulshine

“The mirror wasn’t judging me, I was judging me. In front of the mirror, I came face to face with my judgments about myself… Who is the ‘I’ that judges that ‘I am not good enough,’ that fears that ‘I am unlovable’ and that whispers ‘I hate myself? It’s not your unconditional self.” Robert Holden , Loveability How comfortable are you standing in front of a mirror and looking intently at yourself? If you’re like me, you don’t look anymore intently than you have to. I look at myself just long enough to make sure my hair is in place and that my clothes aren’t “making me look fat.” I put “making me look fat” in quotations because those aren’t my words. They belong to someone else. They belong to someone who years and years ago told me I was fat and that I needed to make sure that my clothes didn’t enhance the fact. In other words, when I look in the mirror every day, I don’t see me. I see the judgments that have been placed on me by other people. And, unfortunately, thes...

O God you are my God Have mercy on me for I am a miserable worm I am guilty of being alive, brought into this world by an act of sin And I am equally as guilty of breathing the air that is not mine for the taking Forgive me for being a wretched piece of shit for I was born this way I am guilty, I am guilty, I am guilty… And if you are really a God of Love you will wipe away all of this guilt and shame That I was taught as a child by people with good intentions Who were brainwashed by people with evil intentions People who wanted to control and manipulate others To gain personal power, prestige and wealth in Your Name. Amen. This first stanza above is how I have often felt based in my religious upbringing. It’s how I feel whenever I read certain Psalms. It represents how my parents saw themselves and how they viewed sexuality. I don’t blame them for it. They were not bad people. They were simply taught the wrong things by well-intentioned people who had ...