Soulshine

Life is what we make it when we choose to retain and own our personal power. Sometimes we give our personal power away to others and sometimes we give it away to life events or things that happen to us. But often times we give our personal power away to our own fears and the beliefs that spring from these fears. For example, a lady in her mid-50s came to me anonymously several years back. She wanted to talk about the fact that she was divorcing her husband. She said he had been unfaithful and she made it clear to me that she lived by this ironclad rule or belief: “If my husband ever cheats on me, it’s over. I will divorce him.” I asked her to explain what had happened and she told me the following. She and her husband had been married for 26 years. They had known each other since high school. He had lots of friends from his college days that he still socialized with. In fact, they got together every Thursday night for a boys night out where they played poker. Everyone gat...

“See your problems of self-esteem Could be self-fulfilling prophecies, So probably your best policy is to talk to me. Stop looking over your shoulder Cause if it was up to me I would make you feel right.” Chromeo, Over Your Shoulder People with addictive personalities suffer from many “problems of self-esteem,” which are rooted in problems of self-love. And, more often than not, it seems to me that problems of self-love are based in self-beliefs. Anyone who believes that he/she is unworthy, untouchable, unacceptable or unlovable is going to suffer from tremendously poor self-love. And, as a result, his/her self-esteem is going to be equally as poor. A person with poor self-love sees very little value or worth in him/herself. And self-esteem is based in feelings of healthy self-worth. Self-love requires that we believe we are created in the incredibly beautiful image and likeness of God. It also requires that we believe we are worthy, touchable, acceptable and lo...

I’ve referenced Harriet Craig before. Harriet (played by Joan Crawford) is the title character in a 1950 movie. And she is an interesting study in severe codependency. As a child, Harriet walked into her father’s office at work, expecting to surprise him. She never anticipated the surprise (or rather shock) that she was about to receive: Harriet found her father in the arms of “another” woman. No doubt in that moment Harriet felt shock, betrayal, disgust, shame and fear. Later her father came clean about his affair and divorced Harriet’s mother. He then abandoned the family. As a result, Harriet developed a belief as a young girl. That belief was “No man can ever be trusted.” And she carried that belief into adulthood. Attached to that belief were all of the nasty, messy feelings that Harriet had never fully faced concerning her father’s infidelity and her abandonment by him. It isn’t surprising then that Harriet isn’t willing to allow herself to be vulnerable with me...