Soulshine

I have a friend named Ted who doesn’t take good care of himself. Ted doesn’t know how to love Ted. And I think that Ted has so disassociated himself from “Ted,” that he doesn’t even realize that he’s left himself behind. Ted felt abandoned as a child. No one was there for Ted: Not mom, nor dad nor anyone. So Ted learned to abandon himself at a very young age. He left Ted behind and became whomever made “you” happy— “you” being anyone who would even acknowledge his existence. Ted became a codependent, caretaking, people-pleasing chameleon as he grew into adulthood. As an adult, Ted became very good at taking care of everyone’s needs, except his own. He’s looked after the needs of the mom and dad who were never there for him emotionally. He’s looked after the needs of friends, other family members and total strangers. But he’s never looked after Ted’s needs because he thinks the Ted he left behind isn’t worth the effort. Part of the reason why Ted has never felt worthy ...

As a little boy, I remember watching people wipe their brow and exclaim “Wu Wei!” I quickly learned that Wu Wei was an expression of relief. It was a way of saying “I just got out of a jam. I don’t have to struggle or worry anymore. Everything’s going to be OK.” It’s too bad we don’t hear the phrase “Wu Wei” much anymore because it has significant meaning. The term is actually Taoist, and it literally means to stop struggling and to go with the flow of life. And yet some people don’t know how to do that. For whatever reason, they believe life has to be a struggle. And I think they believe this because they don’t see themselves in a very favorable light. People who think life has to be a struggle don’t believe they’re really worthy of God’s love, and they don’t think it’s possible for them to be reasonably happy in this life. So they continuously struggle to somehow redeem themselves for not being good enough to simply enjoy all life has to offer them. Their stinking thinking is st...

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’ve bought myself a bouquet of red roses. Why? Because nobody else is going to do it. And because I have to love myself enough to even care enough to do it. If I don’t care enough about me to gift myself with flowers, why should I even hope that someone else would do so, or mope around because no one has done so. If you’re not getting the love you want or expect, it’s because you are not giving yourself the proper love and respect that is essential to projecting a healthy image of yourself to the world around you. What you give to yourself, you essentially give to the world—and the world gives back to you. If I treat myself with kindness, I will treat others with kindness and others will return the kindness to me. If I treat myself with hostility, I will treat others with hostility and those same others will return hostility to me. In the same way, if I treat myself as unlovable, I will project my belief that I am unlovable to the world around me. And...