Soulshine

“For gracious and merciful is he, Slow in anger, rich in kindness, And relenting in punishment.” Book of Joel , Chapter 2 Many of us, as codependents, enter recovery bitter and angry. We feel like we have been used and abused by so many people, and these negative feelings make it hard for us to fathom working Step 4 of the 12 Steps. So we are sometimes inclined to practice self-righteousness instead of practicing mercy. When we enter this self-righteous mode we are quick to point out how everyone else in our lives sinned against us, abused us and abandoned us, and we subconsciously use are self-righteousness to hide our own sins and character defects. We become blind to them all. I know I did. The first time I looked at Step 4, I thought to myself “what did I ever do wrong? I’m not the abuser. I’m the abused.” At that point in recovery, it didn’t occur to me that I had been secretive, manipulative and controlling. Nor did it occur to me that I had lied, spied and done w...

“A person can change.” Frances McDormand, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day Guinevere Pettigrew understands that a person can change. But unfortunately she always thinks it should be someone other than herself. In the film Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day , we quickly learn that Guinevere has a difficult time keeping jobs. She is known as the “Governess of Last Resort” and has been dismissed from many positions as a nanny. The problem? Guinevere always finds fault with her employers and thinks that they should change to please her. After all, she’s the daughter of a clergyman. If her employer drinks a bit too much, she isn’t going to tolerate such behavior. She’s going to do her best to change her employer, to reform him or her—until they tire of her prudish righteousness and give her the sack. Certainly I can empathize with poor Miss Pettigrew. I was raised with high religion and an extremely unhealthy dose of self-righteousness. And in the past I wanted to reform most everyone, too. I ...