The Fear of Being Unloved
“The greatest terror a child can have is that he is unloved, and rejection is the hell he fears.” John Steinbeck, East of Eden The worst childhood message I received was “You are not lovable… as you are.” I never knew unconditional love. Instead I learned a conditioned love that danced to this rule “I love you when you’re good, but I don’t love you when you’re bad.” It didn’t take me long to realize that I could never be “good” all of the time and so I could never truly be loveable. From that day forward, I never felt safe. I learned that if I was good, I might receive accolades from my parents and feel somewhat acceptable and comfortable. But all it took was one wrong word or deed and I was quickly robbed of my safety and salvation through instant rejection. Parental affection was withdrawn usually through scolding or the silent treatment or a combination of both. Shame and guilt were used to shoot me down. “I am so disappointed in you…” “I am so ashamed ...