Soulshine

“I want a Higher Love that makes me feel unconditionally loved, heard, validated, and cared about at all times. I want a Higher Love that comforts me and makes me feel valuable. I want a Love so great that I feel safe, warm and cared about always.” I originally prayed these words last Friday. As the day progressed, I felt myself changing gently inside. Traffic in Los Angeles was horrific on Friday, so I decided against going back to Hollywood. Instead I went back to Knott’s Berry Farm to walk through the shops. I wanted to get something for the friends who have hosted me here, allowing me to stay with them. I found some nice things in one of the shops. The clerk who waited on me sent someone to get a gift box and it took considerable time for the person to return with the box. She (the clerk) was feeling the pressure, since we Americans are so impatient. But I wasn’t. In the past I would have felt impatient and anxious. I would have been agitated and mad. Friday I was at pea...

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” Henry David Thoreau Yesterday I was in Fern’s Garden, a little shop on Second Street in Long Beach, when I came across a small journal with this quote from Henry David Thoreau. Seems we’ve had life-coaches around for a long, long time! I bought the journal because the quote resonated with me strongly. I feel very restless right now. I don’t really believe I’m living the life I have imagined for myself. In fact, I know I am not. Since I was a small child I’ve had one dream in my heart: to be loved by that certain special irreplaceable someone. That’s never happened, mostly because—as much as I have desperately wanted it—I’ve been too afraid to pursue it. This is one of the great pitfalls of codependency. We don’t feel worthy to pursue the dreams in our hearts. For some of us, we don’t even know what dreams our hearts hold because we have been so busy diminishing ourselves in order to...

I feel like I’m shedding my skin—the old, false me skin. I’m shedding the false skin of “I’m shit and no one could love me.” I’m shedding the skin of false devotionalism and false Catholicism. I’m shedding the skin of I’m too old, or I’m too fat or I’m too whatever (fill in the blank). And most importantly I’m shedding the skin that is scarred by years and years of fears. It’s not easy. Fear is so powerful. But as soon as I put my head in its mouth, I find I have all of the power that fear pretends to have. Are you shedding your skin today? How? What are you doing to shed your false self? Hopefully you’re using powerful, positive I AM statements. I found a neat little shop in Long Beach called Fern’s Garden. There I came across some great pewter I AM bracelets. Mine says “I am awesome I am.” It has a puzzle piece on it to symbolize that I am part of the Universe; a part of the mystery; an essential part that is awesome. When I feel like I’m slipping into old thought patterns,...