Soulshine

It’s pretty foreign for an active (non-recovering) codependent to focus on their own personal problems. Active codependents have been trained to focus outside of themselves. So an active codependent often lives to solve the problems of other people. In this way active codependents live vicariously through the lives of others. It’s how they (the codependent) avoid taking responsibility for living their own lives. Typically, if someone, say a friend, comes to an active codependent with problems, the codependent will immediately feel the need to “own” their friend’s issues. And they (the codependent) will do just that. He or she will take on their friend's problems as if they were his or hers to solve. For example, a friend comes to you with money problems. He’s completely overextended himself financially and he’s in a panic. He can’t pay his mortgage this month, he’s in arrears on his credit card payments, his utilities have been cut-off and he’s now being hounded by collec...

“Friendship... is the comfort of feeling safe with a person.” Dinah Maria Craik , A Life for a Life What greater comfort can there be than feeling safe with another person? None-- aside from feeling comfortable with yourself. People often wonder how to discern if a friendship is healthy or toxic. Understanding how we feel around each person we call “friend” is a key indicator of a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Next time we’re around certain friends, let’s tune-in to how we feel... As we’re walking to the market, we run into Janet. We feel “on-guard“ as our gut tightens. We feel unsafe. As she’s talking, we quickly realize how subtly critical Janet is, and we’re afraid she may bite us with her words at any second. We feel uncomfortable until she heads on her way. The next day at work, we notice that when our “friend” Tim enters the conference room, we feel all of the positive energy rush out the door before it closes behind him. His brooding expressions zap us with emotional...