Soulshine

It's so true: We only have one life to live-- OURS. And we have a choice everyday. We can choose to work our recovery programs, to consciously change our thinking and behaviors; or we can choose to stop working to improve our lives and regress into the old misery we have so desperately wanted to escape. So how do I want to spend the rest of my life? I want to love myself unconditionally and to stop hating myself. I know learning to love myself unconditionally will help me to accept and love others unconditionally. All of my relationships will improve. I will choose healthier people to engage with and our relationships will be between equals. I am tired of running after people who don't see me. I am always attracted to the most emotionally unavailable and neediest people. After 22 years of Recovery, this is an instinctual battle I have to face every single day. Only through working my CODA program can I consciously choose to no longer engage in relationships with e...

“Nothing changes until you do.” Mike Robbins Deeply engrained in codependent thinking is “everyone else needs to change and it’s my job to see that they do.” God knows that before I entered recovery that was my entire philosophy on life. There was good reason for it. I had been taught from an early age to always look outside myself to find happiness. And finding happiness outside of myself meant that I needed to control life, including everyone and everything. It didn’t take long to realize that it was easier to control things than it was to control people. And this marked the beginning of my addictively acting out with things. After all, a chocolate chip cookie can’t scream “Don’t eat me!” Food has no power to stop us from over-consuming it as a means of seeking false happiness. The same is true for alcohol or any other substance. Likewise, clothes in department stores can’t stop us from buying them as a false means of alleviating our self-loathing. Controlling things ...

“Don’t think I didn't deserve what I lost I run empty until I feel nothing inside I run empty until I feel nothing inside Oh, don’t think I didn't deserve what I got.” Tegan & Sara, I Run Empty Codependents, like most addicts, are used to running empty inside. In fact, it was our entire way of life prior to recovery. We were taught, usually by a parent, that all of our attention and personal resources were to be spent, or used-up, by taking care of the needs of others. Through observing the patterns of behavior between my mother and father, I learned that relationships were based on give and get. Love was all about how much I could give to others and how much I could then get in return from those same people. Like many people who grew-up in addictive households, I was taught at a very young age that self-love and self-care were extremely bad—even sinful. I got the message loud and clear: You are not to love or take care of yourself! I thus learned to con...