Soulshine

“You knew all along What I never wanted to say Until I learned to love myself I was never ever lovin' anybody else Happiness lies in your own hand It took me much too long To understand how it could be Until you shared your secret with me.” Madonna, Secret Until you learn to love yourself, you will never love anyone else is a “secret” that every codependent must learn, and the sooner the better. I know it seems like a vulgar idea. The very thought of loving myself seemed hopelessly twisted to me early-on in my recovery. But it is totally essential. I wasted much of my life hating me. My self-hatred kept me running from myself and into the arms of anyone who would have miserable, worthless me. It took me on an endless bad trip into the lives of countless toxic people, who also hated themselves. And that bad trip didn’t end until I realized it was impossible for two people who hate themselves to build any type of redeeming relationship. Toxic person pl...

“Happiness lies in your own hand.” Madonna, Secret Back in 1994, Madonna passed on some great wisdom in her mega-hit single “Secret.” Unfortunately, as much as I liked the song at the time, I didn’t get the message. Or I didn’t want to get it. I find most people don’t like the idea that happiness is in their own hands. They prefer to think that happiness lies outside of themselves; that it can only be found in the hands of someone else; and that they have to struggle to find that someone who has the power to make them happy. There’s a romanticism to this idea that a perfect person is going to come along and sweep you away to mythical happiness. Or that some great spiritual guru is going to provide you with the long lost “secret” to possessing authentic lifelong happiness. But there’s no reality to either concept. No one can give you what you already have within your own grasp—within your very hands. Accepting the fact that happiness lies within our own hands seems too challenging ...