Soulshine

Living the lives of others is a very codependent trait. I was watching an old John Ford movie last night from 1933 called Pilgrimage . It was about a widow named Hannah living on a farm in Arkansas with her young adult son, Jimmy. World War I is raging across Europe and there’s a war raging inside of Hannah. Hannah doesn’t know how to live her own life. She isn’t willing to be responsible for herself and her own happiness even though she is actually a very strong person. She’s made Jimmy into her crutch and she’s living vicariously through him. This seems to work fine until Jimmy meets Mary and falls in love with her. Now Jimmy wants his life back and on his terms. He loves his mother and he has love enough in his heart for her and Mary. Jimmy wants to get married and Hannah is totally opposed. She isn’t willing to release her hostage. Hannah tries everything to keep herself enmeshed in Jimmy. She threatens him, spies on him, goes to Mary and threatens her—and all in th...

Betrayal is the feeling of being duped. It is the gut-wrenching emotion that leads us to feel abandoned and to experience a sense of loss. The world as we have known it has suddenly changed in a way that makes us feel unsafe. Our well-being is disturbed. And our trust is shaken. Betrayal happens in many different ways. Sometimes we betray ourselves, or we may feel that our bodies have betrayed us. This happens when we develop a serious illness. The immediate feeling we have is that our body has in some way turned against us. It’s been unfaithful. It’s let us down. This sense of betrayal can often lead to a second sense, once we get past the initial shock of our illness: That we are the ones who actually betrayed our own bodies. We refused to eat well, or to exercise or to treat our bodies with proper respect by avoiding cigarettes or avoiding excessive alcohol or drug consumption. New feelings then arise: primarily guilt, shame and remorse. In a flash, we can be filled wit...