When Bad things Happen, Face Your Feelings As They Evolve-- Naturally

Betrayal is the feeling of being duped. It is the gut-wrenching emotion that leads us to feel abandoned and to experience a sense of loss. The world as we have known it has suddenly changed in a way that makes us feel unsafe. Our well-being is disturbed. And our trust is shaken.

Betrayal happens in many different ways. Sometimes we betray ourselves, or we may feel that our bodies have betrayed us. This happens when we develop a serious illness. The immediate feeling we have is that our body has in some way turned against us. It’s been unfaithful. It’s let us down.

This sense of betrayal can often lead to a second sense, once we get past the initial shock of our illness: That we are the ones who actually betrayed our own bodies. We refused to eat well, or to exercise or to treat our bodies with proper respect by avoiding cigarettes or avoiding excessive alcohol or drug consumption. New feelings then arise: primarily guilt, shame and remorse. In a flash, we can be filled with a complicated web of unwanted feelings that must be processed and released in a proper healing formula based in God’s wisdom. We have to FEEL every emotion as it comes to us, feel it fully and allow it to pass on.

We also experience betrayal at the hands of others. As children we may experience the betrayal of a parent who picks up and leaves us behind through divorce or death. Or we may experience the betrayal of a friend who tells our most sacred of secrets to others after promising not to do so. As we grow older, we may experience the betrayal of a boy or girlfriend who leaves us for another, the betrayal of a friend who borrows money with no intention of returning it to us, or the betrayal of a co-worker who blames us for every problem in the office.

Likewise, we may experience the betrayal of losing our job do to corporate belt-tightening, or we may experience the betrayal of religious leaders who reject us for failing to follow all of their man-made rules. We may experience the betrayal of a spouse or children who are unable to love us despite our mistakes, or we may face betrayal through the death of a loved one. In all of these situations we feel abandoned and left behind. There is an overwhelming sense of loss and a desperate sense that life may never be right again.

These are just a few examples of how bad things happen to us that we are mostly powerless to change. In each of these experiences, however, we need to experience our feelings fully. The following is a general process of feelings as we ought to experience them: Something “bad” happens and we feel betrayed. There is an immediate sense of loss and abandonment. We then feel disappointed. We may next feel mad, or some anger with ourselves or the other. But this should dissolve into a heavy feeling of hurt and, eventually, into a healing blanket of sadness.

Take some time to think about a recent betrayal you have experienced, or are currently experiencing. Have you processed all of the above feelings? If not, you have much work to do on your path to emotional healing and regaining an inner sense of well being.