Separation of God and Hate Begins Inside of Me


I am in the womb of my emptiness. And I am exploring the scar tissue I find on the walls. Fear and shame have caused the greatest scars, and have etched an image of a god into the deepest recesses of my emptiness. It’s the god I was raised to believe in. It’s the god that is fear, shame, hate, judgment and revenge deified. And it is a god that is now dead. Clearly, my mind, my heart, my soul—and all of the empty spaces within me-- now officially declare this god is dead.

There may be a vast womb of emptiness within me, but there is no longer any space for a god of hate to dwell. Nor is there any space for those who use fear and shame in the name of a hateful-god. I will wash myself clean of this god. And I will wash myself clean of its devils. The god I grew-up with, the god taught to me by adults and Church, is dead. My empty spaces have become its tomb.

Within myself I sense death and stillness like earth buried beneath winter snows. I gasp for new life as all of me begins to die within, in order to completely purge the god of hate from my breath. I grown and violently spit the god of hate out of the belly of my emptiness. Death consumes me and all of my empty spaces are now filled with its nothingness. It is the deepest and most complete form of nothingness. But it gradually becomes a fountain of blissful peace. Peace dances within my empty spaces. It washes me clean and blankets me. In silence I await a spirit to breathe new life into my purified nothingness.

I await rebirth and the newness of the authentic me-- as love-personified—to emerge from my womb of emptiness.

Comments

  1. E.S. KraayFebruary 22, 2012 at 10:57 AM

    I recall a life-changing sermon I heard two years ago. In his reflection on Lenten fasting, the wise priest stated that 'giving up' beer, chocolate, gambling, etc. for 40 days wouldn't accomplish much spiritual cleansing. He suggested a different form of fasting I had never been taught. He suggested that his parishioners give up hating, lying, abusing, and other similar negative traits. I took his advice, and I've tried to keep the fast going for 2 years, not just 40 days. Sometimes I fail, but I keep trying. I do believe that God is Love and that the love of Christ always fills up the emptiness left by banishing negative things.

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