Soulshine

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. Mary has chosen the better way and it will not be denied her.” Jesus Christ, Gospel of Luke Addictive personalities are gods unto themselves. Even those of us who may be regular church-goers still suffer from self-godliness. We’re control freaks. We rule the world and everyone in it who affects us in any way. We’re all Martha’s, the Christian Patron Saint of Control Freaks. Like Martha we profess faith in a Higher Power, but we rarely relinquish control to that Higher Power. Every time we meet Martha in the Christian Gospels, she’s working hard at telling God what God needs to do, or she’s telling God how to correct the mistakes God has made. The quote above is taken from a story about Jesus visiting the home of the two sisters, Martha and Mary. Martha is anxious about preparing dinner while Mary is entertaining Jesus. Martha gets mad that Mary isn’t helping her and she commands Jesus to tell Mary to get ...

“Shit happens.” Ancient Catholic Proverb A major part of addictive recovery is getting back in touch with feelings. Many of us learned to shut-down our emotions when we were small children. It was a protection mechanism that allowed us to survive life in chaotic households. But being emotionally numbed-out doesn’t serve us well as adults. In fact, it causes us to act-out. In order to suppress the feelings we don’t want to face we drink, over-eat, compulsively shop, or busy ourselves with work, exercise, TV, etc. It’s important to me to keep track of the feelings I am learning to own. And I had a vivid experience of how well I am progressing this week. My car was at the dealership for some bumper repairs. I went on Wednesday to pick it up. As one of the dealership employees was driving my car around to me, another employee in a parked SUV didn’t see him coming and backed right into the side of my car! I couldn’t believe my eyes. I stood there in shock-- and shock was...

It’s important to talk about feelings. I believe feelings are the rainbow of the soul. They give color to life by transforming a one dimensional world into three dimensional. Feelings are beautiful and yet they are also devastating. It’s been six months since I stopped taking Zoloft, and since I started reacquainting myself with my feelings. For the most part, it’s been a good experience. I have had some bouts of terrible sadness. During those days, I learned to reach out to other people. I called friends, even old friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. Reaching out to others helped me to realize the importance of having a support system and that I don’t have to face difficult feelings all by myself. When I was younger, I always walked through all of my sadness alone. It wasn’t a healthy thing to do, but I never felt like anyone would really care. I realize that was a mistake now. We do need the support of others. Sadness is a healing feeling. It takes us from the edge of...