Soulshine

Every feeling we experience is valid. And important. There are NO wrong feelings. God gave us feelings to help us process life. When we face and process our feelings we return to a balanced place inside ourselves, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Most everyone suffering from addictive behaviors is perpetuating their suffering by suppressing their feelings. We were sometimes taught as children that it was not OK or even valid to have feelings, and many of us learned to turn-off our feelings to survive in our chaotic childhood households. A major part of Recovery is learning to acknowledge and reclaim our feelings, so that we can go about processing life properly. Be aware of the fact, however, that not everyone you know may be comfortable with your learning to respect and express your feelings. For some people in our lives, this will be a new and awkward experience. If people resist our expressions of our feelings, we must also remember that ...

Yesterday was one of those days. From the get-go it seemed like the entire universe was working against me. Nothing was flowing right and so all of the slumbering, unresolved frustration and anger inside of me erupted to new volcanic heights. As I was driving along I found myself screaming at life, God and the entire world as I banged on my steering wheel. The initial frustration that surfaced was about the past few months. Over that time, I’ve invested a lot of energy into getting my life together in new, necessary ways. I’ve taken giant steps forward, which is great. But I’ve also met great resistance and there’s been practically no positive response from others that I’ve reached-out to; or at least, it isn’t coming soon enough for me. All of that frustration quickly snowballed into an avalanche of past and present frustration, hurt and anger. Terrible things that happened to me in the past came flooding back and all I could do is remember and ask “Where was God during ...

I’m not sure I know what it’s like to feel fully alive. It’s scary to think of experiencing a moment to the fullest; to actually 100 percent feel the pain, the ecstasy, the thrill, the turbulence of any given moment. I hadn’t been conscious of my fear of being fully alive in the moment until last Wednesday. I was at Knott’s Berry Farm in Los Angeles with a friend of mine named Richard—who we also affectionately refer to as Bubba. For those who don’t know, Knott’s Berry Farm is an amusement park in Southern California. Both Bubba and I like rollercoasters, and so the first ride we jumped on was the Silver Bullet, one of the best rollercoasters in my opinion. It scared me so much that I don’t think I had my eyes open more than a couple of seconds here and there. And this was evident in the picture that was snapped of Bubba and me on the ride. My eyes are closed tight and the expression on my face is even tighter. I look like I’m taking a really painful dump! Bubba, however, ha...