Soulshine

Codependents are often very compliant. We often enter recovery with a strong need to please other people in order to earn our self-worth, to earn love. One of the most dangerous compliance patterns for codependents, and sex-love addicts, is that some of us accept sexual acting-out when we really want love. And this acting-out eventually leads us to experience feelings of self-betrayal, abuse, disappointment, shame, guilt and anger. I remember one of the first CODA meetings I attended at the Steps Alano Club in St. Louis, Missouri. A woman stood up and admitted that she felt so unlovable and so worthless that she had developed a pattern of behavior in which she engaged in sex with anyone who showed even the slightest interest in her. It was the only way she knew how to medicate away her emotional pain about feeling like a worthless person. She even admitted to having sex with men she actually despised because she was so desperate for some form of affirmation, of affection, even t...

Back in 2004, I was directing a retreat called "Open Up Your Heart and Let Yourself Out" at the Serra Retreat House in Malibu, California. While perusing through their bookstore, I came across the book "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken. As I read through portions of the book, I felt fear, trepidation and ultimately-- resistance. I immediately wanted to put the book down and never look at it again. But after a few minutes, I picked the book back up and when I realized how strongly I was feeling resistance to what I was reading, I realized that resistance had a positive message for me. I traced the feeling of resistance back to denial. This book was challenging the denial that I was still trapped in. Yes, I had been in recovery for codependence for several years at this point, and I understood that I was powerless over other people. But what I hadn't owned up to were my two primary side addictions, which I turned to when I felt codependently ov...

” We make the same mistakes and we share the same heartbreaks all you've got to do is let go Let go, let go Yeah, let go Let the spirit world inside protect you Let go, let go and let the wings of change direct you All you've got to do is let go.” Let Go by Intimate Strangers One of the great things about being in a 12 Step support group is the fact that you are constantly reminded of this one truth: Yes, indeed, we all make the same basic mistakes and we all share similar heartbreaks. It’s simply a fact that we are all in this messy, messy life together. And it’s also a fact that we are all meant to learn from each other by sharing our messy stories. They help to build bridges between us—bridges that lead us to new places filled with great wisdom and comfort. The very first Codependents Anonymous meeting I ever attended was at the Steps Alano Club in St. Louis, Missouri back in October of 1995. It was my first time attending any 12 Step group meetin...