Let Go and Leap-Forward in Life!

”We make the same mistakes
and we share the same heartbreaks
all you've got to do is let go

Let go, let go
Yeah, let go
Let the spirit world inside protect you
Let go, let go
and let the wings of change direct you
All you've got to do is let go.”

Let Go by Intimate Strangers

One of the great things about being in a 12 Step support group is the fact that you are constantly reminded of this one truth: Yes, indeed, we all make the same basic mistakes and we all share similar heartbreaks. It’s simply a fact that we are all in this messy, messy life together. And it’s also a fact that we are all meant to learn from each other by sharing our messy stories. They help to build bridges between us—bridges that lead us to new places filled with great wisdom and comfort.

The very first Codependents Anonymous meeting I ever attended was at the Steps Alano Club in St. Louis, Missouri back in October of 1995. It was my first time attending any 12 Step group meeting and my first chance to let go. And let go I did! I sat in the middle of 60 some people and listened for a while. Then I slowly chose to let go of: 1) my personal fears about being present at the meeting; and 2) my fears of being vulnerable and speaking up. Toward the end of the meeting, I raised my hand, opened up my mouth and let myself out of my fear-filled heart and worry-filled mind.

I’d had enough of holding myself in. I’d had enough of holding on for dear life and trying to control everyone and everything to help calm my crazy fears. In an hours time, I had heard enough stories from others that I could totally relate to personally, and all of these stories—and all of the people who owned them—gave me tremendous hope. So I let go of all of my fears and opened up to newness of life.

That newness of life involved forming a bond with these people, whom I would get to know over the next year or so of living in St. Louis. Suddenly, I had a new sense of belonging, which was something I’d rarely experienced in my life.

A sense of belonging is essential to the human spirit. We all need to experience the bonding and safety that the sense of belonging to a group provides. Once we begin to feel safe, it’s essential for us to let go of our fears. We have to consciously choose to let go and move forward by taking risks. This is how we grow inside of our skin and within the real world. When we connect with the Spirit inside of us, we develop wings of change and we move beyond our fears into newness of life by learning to take risks. We grow, we bond with others and we grow some more.

People in support groups may not always be able to relate to every part of our story, but then, we’ll find that we don’t relate to every part of their stories either. And that’s OK. All we need is the sameness that provides the initial bond. And that sameness can always be found within our shared brokenness as humans; in the fact that we all make the same mistakes and that we are all now eager to learn and grow from them.

So realize right here and now how important a good 12 Step group is to your recovery process. It’s great to read daily meditations and books, and it’s great to see a therapist on a regular basis. But we all still need that support group of our peers where we can really let our hair down, let go of our fears and feel supported for simply being our true-but-flawed-and-still-lovable selves.