Who Are You Holding Hostage?
Sometimes we take another person hostage within our hearts. Subconsciously, we want this person to give us something. And that something is usually the same something we wanted and needed our mothers or fathers to give us, like love, approval, affirmation, warmth or a sense of belonging. Mom and Dad weren’t able to give us these things. For whatever reason, they didn’t have them to give. And more often than not, the persons that we tend to take hostage in our hearts are exactly like Mom and Dad. They are equally unable to give us what we want and need because they don’t have it to give. The problem is that we rarely understand this. We don’t get it that the very people we are most attracted to are the very people who are most like our emotionally unavailable parents. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t good people. They may be kind, attentive and generous in other ways, but when it comes to what we really need from them—love and affirmation—their wellsprings have long been dry....