Soulshine

“(Beside me) Need your lovin' here beside me (To guide me) Keep it close enough to guide me (Inside of me) From the fears that are inside of me You're the biggest part of me.” Ambrosia, The Biggest Part of Me (1980) I always loved the song “The Biggest Part of Me” by Ambrosia. It fed my codependent neediness; the belief that someone else could fill me up and make me Ok by being the biggest part of me. I used to believe that I needed to lose myself in someone else; that I needed to become less of me and more of them and then life would be paradise. And I thought that this process was all part of falling in love. But I’ve learned that codependents don’t fall in love, they fall into addictive attraction. Believing that someone else can become the biggest part of me is an insane addictive obsession. Sometimes addictive attraction is totally one-sided and sometimes it’s mutual—at least early on. More often than not, a person with an addictive personality is a...

“Baby, I'd love you to want me The way that I want you, the way that it should be Baby, you'd love me to want you The way that I want to if you'd only let it be.” Lobo, I’d Love You to Want Me (1972) I first heard Lobo’s song “I’d Love You to Want Me” back when I was in high school. The lyrics and the tune haunted my heart. All of my young life I had wanted someone to want me, to love me. At the time, I thought more in terms of finding a lover my age, but looking back now, I think there was something much deeper going on inside me. I think the need this song evoked in me was first and foremost about the love and acceptance that I never received from my parents. I wanted them to love and accept me for being me. I wanted them to want me as their child. But that never happened, or at least I never knew it or felt like they loved and accepted me unconditionally. It was from this wounded place inside that I then projected outwardly, wanting a lover w...