Soulshine

“Cause I'm only strong as glass They say I'm built to last but I could break Yeah I'm only strong as glass And I am all I have so if I break, there's no more.” Goapelle, Strong As Glass (2014) Most of my life I’ve felt as if I was only as strong as glass. And I don’t mean that in a physical sense, but in an emotional sense. Inside, my spirit or soul has always felt fragile. It was severely damaged in my childhood when I chose to give all of my personal power away to my parents and grandparents. This is a choice that most every child in an abusive home makes. Children basically have no other choice because they believe their parents and grandparents are infallible and all-powerful, like God. A child believes that his/her parents have to be right and that he/she has to be wrong. So when a child is shamed into believing that he/she is defective in some way, worthless or unlovable, he/she can reach that point of being emotionally devastated; even annihil...

“God, spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation. Amen.” Byron Katie, A Friendly Universe On average, codependents suffer greatly from their deep-rooted desire for love, approval and appreciation from others; and it’s easy to understand why. As children we never received the love, approval (affirmation) or appreciation we needed from our parents. This left a gaping black hole in our souls; one that grew ever larger as we became adults. When a child doesn’t receive the proper love, affirmation and nurturing from parents, he/she never learns how to love, affirm and nurture him/herself. The black hole in the soul develops and it increases because the child lacks the tools to turn inside and nurture him/herself. Life then becomes an endless circle of searching outside one’s self for love, approval and appreciation. As a result, the child develops a codependency. If he/she never receives any help, he/she then becomes a codependent teenager, a codepende...

“But now I know That the world still turns And the sun still burns And that’s what I’ve learned without you And the days roll on And my heart gets stronger too Don’t think I didn’t love you Just because I made it through But I learned to love myself Without you.” Reba McEntire, Myself Without You Throughout most of my life I have been a fiercely independent codependent. The only times I ever wavered from being fiercely independent were when I met someone who pushed all of my buttons in all of the right ways; meaning a person who had just the right addictive personality to match mine. Anytime my addictive “yin” met an addictive “yang,” I’d swing almost immediately from the extreme of being fiercely independent on myself to the opposite extreme of being miserably dependent on that other person. Of course, once we both sucked all of the life out of each other and the relationship ended, I’d go defiantly back to being fiercely independent; even though my...