Soulshine

“… I leaned into my longing. I felt the sadness and emptiness in my soul that came from years of buying into the story that I am not good enough, something I’d been trying to avoid for a long time.” Chris Michaels, The Power of You In The Power of You , Chris Michaels refers to the belief of “I’m not good enough” as being like a beast in the center of your being. Anyone who has ever suffered from addictive behaviors is familiar with this beast. It’s the Beast of inherent shame and there’s no feeling on earth as bad. Many of us have tried desperately to tame this beast through our addictive acting-out. We may have used alcohol, drugs, sugar, shopping, people, gambling, sex or many other self-destructive forms of behavior to quiet the beast. All of them failed time and again—and they always will fail. Addiction is a means of running from the Beast. We never conquer anything we run from. Once we start running, we never stop because the beast is always one step ...

At a CODA meeting I remember someone saying that he grew up thinking he was worthless because his father had a habit of saying to him “Everything you touch turns into shit.” As a result of taking this phrase literally, this person grew-up unable to follow through on projects because he subconsciously believed they’d all “turn to shit.” For most of his life, he was never able to make the connection between the fact that things never seemed to work out right for him and his hidden belief that everything he touched turned to shit. Once he made the connection, it was eye-opening. He finally understood that his failures were self-sabotage based in the mistaken belief that everything he touched was destined to end in disaster. This was a great leap forward for him. He now could stop sabotaging his endeavors by changing his thinking. He could stop believing that everything he touched turned into shit and begin believing that everything he touched could turn into gold. But, h...

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt It’s certainly true that no one has ever made me feel inferior, aside from myself. We often make the mistake of blaming others for “making” us feel a certain way when there is no truth to this concept. No one “makes” me feel a certain way. I “choose” to feel a certain way. If someone says something and I feel diminished in some way it’s probably because they’ve unknowingly touched on an area inside of me where I ruthlessly criticize myself. More often than not, there’s no intent on behalf of the other person to be mean. It’s more about how I feel about myself. We can’t go through life telling ourselves repeatedly “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m such an idiot” or “I’m so ugly” or “I’m so incompetent” and not feel the repercussions of it at any given moment. This self-inflicted mental cruelty makes us hyper-vulnerable. We’re constantly on guard and at any moment we can purposely take anything a...

When I was younger, I had an overriding feeling that I didn’t deserve to be happy. It became most noticeable to me anytime I attended a family gathering. I never felt accepted for myself, at least not by my parents. And so when we would be at family gatherings, I always had a strong emotional revulsion to showing that I could be happy in any way. More often than not, at family gatherings, I’d sit and look sad. I rarely said a word. If someone asked me a question, I was irritated by it and would force as few words out of my mouth as possible in response to them. I otherwise refused to engage in any way. I remember wanting to engage with other family members and wanting to allow myself to be happy, but something deep inside of me always prohibited me from doing so. It was probably because I seriously felt flawed beyond being acceptable or lovable in any way. I felt more than simply “not good enough” to be an acceptable human being. I guess it’s no wonder that inside I felt ...

I’m learning that there is a fine line between the desire to lose yourself in someone and the desire to simply be with someone. So, how do we know when we’ve crossed over the line? We all have the need to be with others, and sometimes that need extends beyond casual friendship. The need can be for someone we feel safe with, someone we can open-up to and talk honestly with, someone we can laugh and cry with; and, ultimately, someone we can simply rest-in knowing that we are always safe and cared for in the arms of that person. The great comfort here is in our knowing that this particular person accepts us and we accept him/her unconditionally. There are no strings attached and thus no need to manipulate each other. And it’s not a matter of getting lost in each other, but rather, in supporting each other. The sort of “need” I just described is very different from feeling desperately “needy” for someone. And “desperate” may be the key word here. Neediness is driven by a deep...

“Follow your bliss” is a popular ideal, but you have to follow your pain first. I mean there can be no true bliss to follow if it’s buried under the boulders of your unresolved pain. Bliss is the end result of a deepening, maturing spirituality. Pain is the path you must blaze in order to mature spiritually. Pain-- be it physical, mental or emotional— awakens the empty spaces inside of us. If we are present and open to our pain, it will take us to the very places where we need to find spiritual healing. Pain invites us to truly take a soul-journey. This journey into the inner-areas of the soul is beautifully portrayed in the 2008 Japanese film Departures . The film centers on the life of Daigo Kobayashi, a cellist in a Tokyo symphony orchestra, who carries a dark burden in his heart. That burden centers on his relationship with his father, who Daigo hasn’t seen in 30 years. When Daigo was six years old, his father-- who operated a coffee shop-- ran off with one of the waitresses. Da...