Soulshine

Author’s Note: The next few meditations will be from a retreat I directed recently called The Good News According to Disney . If you aren’t familiar with the films that are referenced, I’d suggest to take time to see them and to look for the deeper meaning within them. Many people today still live by the biblical adage “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” They actually believe that they will be at peace if they achieve revenge or restitution for any mishap that has befallen them at the hands of another. They believe they will reclaim their personal power once they have achieved their revenge, but this is impossible. Disney’s Cinderella (2015) reveals the true secret to owning one’s personal power and to retaining it no matter what we experience in life: “Have courage and be kind.” On the surface this motto looks a bit simple and wimpy. But in reality, it holds great power. That power comes from the heart of a person, or in this case Ella, who sees the world not a...

Freedom from shame means being “on our guard” or aware of our feelings at all times. It means being able to catch ourselves when we are being swept down a dark alley of emotional pain fueled by shame. When we are aware of our shameful feelings, we are able to make a powerful choice between addictive acting out, or facing the feelings. When we choose to face the feelings, we can challenge the ugly thoughts that fuel them, and we can take our personal power back from shame. Facing our feelings requires that we be “courageous” enough to embrace them. It also requires that we be “strong” enough to ask for the help we may need to feel safe enough to fully recover our personal power. We know that help is available to us. We can seek help through our Higher Power and we can seek help from family and friends that we are able to trust. We can also seek help through professionals, like therapist, spiritual directors or clergy, and we can seek help through support groups. If we are ...

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anaïs Nin Your life is what you make it. No one has to be a victim who holds everything in tight like a flower trapped in the perpetual darkness of fear. Being a victim, being shut-up tight inside, is a choice. And it’s a bad choice. In recent years, through recovery, I’ve chosen to give up my victim mentality. I have learned that it is far less painful to take risks, even if I fail at times; and that it’s much more rewarding and life-affirming to blossom into the light of the real world where I gain wisdom through failure—and I grow into fully being me. Life provides many doors for us to walk through and all we have to do is make the choice to walk through those doors. We can all walk through the doors to an Alano Club and into any 12 Step meeting that fits our particular recovery needs. We can also choose to walk through any educational or career door...

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection   As recovering codependents, one of the most difficult things we must do is own our life story. For many years, I distanced myself from my story in the same way that I distanced myself from myself and from owning my own life. The strong desire I had to escape from myself meant that I had to escape from my story as well. And my method for escaping myself and my story was to enmesh in someone else and to come to own his identity and his story. Owning our story means many things to me. First, it means we have to come face to face with ourselves and decide that we will no longer run from who we are. In doing so, we have to look past our denial—all of it. We have to acknowledge and accept that we are worthy, good and lovable (though flawed) people. We have to be able to look in the mirror and say “I love and accept you just the...

“Courage is a natural part of my being. By facing life I transcend it.” Stuart Wilde, Affirmations Everyone is inherently courageous. Courage is a natural feeling. It’s also a fleeting feeling. We have moments when we are able to stand our ground and speak our truth, but we also have moments when we cower behind the curtains, filled with fear of rejection or annihilation. This is true for everyone. The important thing to understand is that courage isn’t about being free of fear. It’s about transcending the fear. And we have to face our fear in order to rise above it. People who are in the throes of the codependent crazies generally have trouble being courageous. This is why compliance is a major problem for codependents. Long ago we rejected and abandoned ourselves, and so the thought of being rejected or abandoned by others becomes an overwhelming fear. Deep inside, we fear that one more rejection will annihilate us from within; that we’d simply implode into nothingness. So we choo...

There’s a reason why the term “Angel Eyes” has been popular for many years. When you look into the eyes of another person, you see through to their soul, to the angel inside of them. As you peer into the eyes of another, you touch their divine humanness. And in doing so, you allow them to touch your own soul as you open up your inner-angel to them. It takes a great deal of honest, naked vulnerability to look someone deeply in their angel eyes. And it takes loads of courage to keep your eyes focused on theirs as they look you right back in your angel eyes. Sadly, many of us fail to have such courage or naked vulnerability. We’ve been taught to refrain from looking people in the eyes for fear that we will somehow make too much, or too deep of a connection. The supposed fear is that we will then owe the other something, but I think the real fear is that we will have to acknowledge their sacredness as a human being. It’s easier to treat a person like they are a disposable obje...