Soulshine

Feelings can be fabulous and feelings can be a nightmare. Those of us with addictive personalities have had a lifetime of struggle with our feelings. For the most part, I’m used to allowing my feelings to walk all over me. I’ve allowed myself to be powerless against the weight of fear, anxiety, sadness, etc. But recently I learned that I have great positive power when it comes to my feelings. In July I switched my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) medication from Zoloft to Prozac. It was a rough transition that left me feeling frightened and anxious a good deal more than I am accustomed to feeling. The doctor and I finally worked out a proper dosage for me and I seemed to be adjusting well when one morning I woke-up and I felt extremely frightened. I got up, made some breakfast, sat down and said to myself “Enough is enough! I’m sick to death of feeling frightened and anxious! I refuse to continue to be a hostage to my feelings! I refuse to feel anxious today!” Within a mat...

“You're a needy girl, I can tell when I look in your big brown eyes. You want my world, but how can I do yours if I can't do mine? …It's all about what you want, what you say, how you feel, how you play the game. You're a needy girl, and you want my world. I try to change, knowing it's not the same. (Phone conversation) "Hello? Hey what's up baby? Yeah, I'm in the studio right now, I'll call you later. Nah, I really can't talk right now, I'll just call you back, alright? I-I can't talk right now, I'll just call you later. Yo, what? Yo, I can't, look.. Yo, whatever!" Chromeo, Needy Girl (2004) Needy isn’t attractive. And yes, when we are feeling needy, someone can look into our big brown eyes and see the neediness. We project it. We project insecurity, emotional and physical deprivation, desperation, anxiety and the intense need for immediate gratification. We may even look like an extremely distrau...

Codependent crazy love is all about a constant rush of anxious needy feelings. This anxious rush compulsively pushes the codependent into accelerating everything about a romantic relationship. Patience and common-sense fly out the window of the codependent’s mind. It’s like the codependent has his/her inner-accelerator pushed to the floor with no intentions of ever hitting the brake pedal. Insanity informs the codependent that this new person is truly Mr. or Ms. Right, and so all caution and all boundaries are thrown to the wind. The codependent is ready to hop in bed and rush to the altar—without really knowing anything of significance about the object of his/her desire. The codependent may know little about Mr. or Ms. Heartthrob, aside from his or her name. The codependent may not know where this person is from, his/her family background, if they are currently or ever have been married, where they work (if they even have a job), what their spiritual beliefs are, or whet...

“(Beside me) Need your lovin' here beside me (To guide me) Keep it close enough to guide me (Inside of me) From the fears that are inside of me You're the biggest part of me.” Ambrosia, The Biggest Part of Me (1980) I always loved the song “The Biggest Part of Me” by Ambrosia. It fed my codependent neediness; the belief that someone else could fill me up and make me Ok by being the biggest part of me. I used to believe that I needed to lose myself in someone else; that I needed to become less of me and more of them and then life would be paradise. And I thought that this process was all part of falling in love. But I’ve learned that codependents don’t fall in love, they fall into addictive attraction. Believing that someone else can become the biggest part of me is an insane addictive obsession. Sometimes addictive attraction is totally one-sided and sometimes it’s mutual—at least early on. More often than not, a person with an addictive personality is a...