Soulshine

I’ve referenced Harriet Craig before. Harriet (played by Joan Crawford) is the title character in a 1950 movie. And she is an interesting study in severe codependency. As a child, Harriet walked into her father’s office at work, expecting to surprise him. She never anticipated the surprise (or rather shock) that she was about to receive: Harriet found her father in the arms of “another” woman. No doubt in that moment Harriet felt shock, betrayal, disgust, shame and fear. Later her father came clean about his affair and divorced Harriet’s mother. He then abandoned the family. As a result, Harriet developed a belief as a young girl. That belief was “No man can ever be trusted.” And she carried that belief into adulthood. Attached to that belief were all of the nasty, messy feelings that Harriet had never fully faced concerning her father’s infidelity and her abandonment by him. It isn’t surprising then that Harriet isn’t willing to allow herself to be vulnerable with me...

Harriet Craig : “Please understand, Mr. Fenwick, Walter’s a fine man… but sometimes he just seems to lose all sense of responsibility.” Mr. Fenwick : “But I’ve always thought of him as being most reliable.” Harriet Craig : “So long as he’s in his present job, yes. And so long as I’m nearby to look after him.” Joan Crawford and Raymond Greenleaf , Harriet Craig (1950) Poor Harriet Craig! Her husband, Walter, has been offered a promotion. Normally that would be good news, but there’s a catch: The promotion will require Walter to work in Japan for three months—without Harriet. She’ll have to stay home and she will be unable to be the center of Walter’s universe. On hearing the “good” news, Harriet immediately feels threatened and her codependent thinking kicks into high gear. Just looking at her face, you can see every manipulative wheel within her brain spinning. She quickly hits panic mode: How will she be able to keep an eye on Walter 24/7 when he’s thousands of miles...

A major character defect shared by most all codependents is manipulation. Engaging in manipulation is fueled by the need to control. A codependent person cannot trust life or others. Of course, life is a fact that we have limited control over. And, unfortunately for the fear-filled codependent, we all need others no matter how independent we pretend to be. This fact provides a serious dilemma for the codependent person. The all-too codependent need to manipulate others plays out magnificently in the 1950 film Harriet Craig . Harriet needs her husband Walter and her cousin Claire, and yet she mistakenly believes she can’t trust either of them. Harriet’s never sure if Walter might betray her at any moment and so she keeps a tight grip on him. She almost never lets him out of her sight, and she’s learned that she needs to keep his leash short. You see, Walter has friends—both men and women—that he ran around with before he met and married Harriet. Those friends are now a thr...

Meet Harriet Craig. She is the title character from the 1950 movie of the same name. And Harriet Craig is a woman of steel. As such, she is very aptly played by Joan Crawford, who was almost always portrayed as a woman of steel. Despite being a mere 5 foot 2 inches tall, almost all of Crawford’s portrayals were of women who stood 10 feet tall, and who could stare a hole right through your soul, nearly killing you instantly. And Harriet Craig is no exception. Harriet Craig is not a very likeable person. When we first meet her it’s obvious that she is extremely unapproachable. She puts on a good appearance: She dresses immaculately in the latest fashions, her hair is perfectly sculpted around her head and she has great physical beauty. But as we approach Harriet and begin to see her up-close, we realize that she is made of steel and we immediately grow uncomfortable in her presence. Harriet has no warmth to her. In fact, she has daggers in her eyes. And she is so rigid that...