Meet Harriet Craig: Woman of Steel

Meet Harriet Craig. She is the title character from the 1950 movie of the same name. And Harriet Craig is a woman of steel. As such, she is very aptly played by Joan Crawford, who was almost always portrayed as a woman of steel. Despite being a mere 5 foot 2 inches tall, almost all of Crawford’s portrayals were of women who stood 10 feet tall, and who could stare a hole right through your soul, nearly killing you instantly. And Harriet Craig is no exception.

Harriet Craig is not a very likeable person. When we first meet her it’s obvious that she is extremely unapproachable. She puts on a good appearance: She dresses immaculately in the latest fashions, her hair is perfectly sculpted around her head and she has great physical beauty. But as we approach Harriet and begin to see her up-close, we realize that she is made of steel and we immediately grow uncomfortable in her presence.

Harriet has no warmth to her. In fact, she has daggers in her eyes. And she is so rigid that her skin just might cut through your hand if you actually felt comfortable enough to touch her arm. Suddenly, we find ourselves feeling just as anxious around her as the other characters in the film do.

Unfortunately for Harriet, her behavior is equally as steely and calculated as her demeanor. She trusts no one and so she must manipulate everyone into providing her with whatever she wants for her to be happy. She lies, she withholds information, she schemes and makes up stories all for the purpose of controlling her hostages, which include her husband Walter and her cousin Clare.

The big question here is why? Why is Harriet like this? Well, it turns out that Harriet, at age 14, caught her father in the act of cheating on her mother. He later filed for divorce and left Harriet and her mother to fend for themselves. Harriet felt so stunned and so betrayed that she completely cut her father out of her life. The shock of it all stunted her ability to trust men, and eventually she found herself unable to anyone.

So Harriet developed a persona of steel. She basically cut everyone out of her life and resorted to finding comfort in objects. She loves beautiful furniture and clothes. And she has a prized Ming vase that is her most precious possession. It’s truly tragic because the very best relationship Harriet has is with her vase.

I’ve seen this movie many times and been repulsed by Harriet and her behavior each time. But on watching it recently, I gained a new insight into Harriet and was better able to empathize with her brokenness. She represents one of millions of children who have been abused and abandoned by parents or others.

Deep inside, Harriet Craig is still a beautiful, innocent child who is extremely damaged by what her father did to her. As an adult, she has no friends and all of her relationships have always fallen apart—aside from her relationship with her Ming vase. I can relate. I can also admit to myself now that I too am a person of steel. I have spent my whole life being as rigid and steely and unapproachable as Harriet Craig. And I, too, have had a long history of manipulating people into ensuring my own happiness. That history ended when I entered recovery, but the steeliness didn’t.

Steeliness is a sign of our inability to trust. We feel compelled to wear suits of armor because we believe everyone is out to pierce our souls and destroy what little is left of our spirits. So I know I need to let go of my fears about being hurt. I need to be able to relax into trusting people enough to allow them to touch me and care about me. I need to get comfortable with touching and being touched and that will only come when I can trust those who are trustworthy.

We never touched in my family of origin. It was a sin to do so. This is primarily what has fueled my own inability to touch and be touched. It may also be that I have something from the past, some betrayal as deep as Harriet’s, that I’m not connecting with yet. If so, I need to identify it because I attached a belief to it that has tormented me ever since, just like Harriet.

Harriet caught her father being unfaithful and she developed a belief about his infidelity: She came to believe that no man is trustworthy. And that belief fueled her inability to be vulnerable with men. The fact that her father then abandoned her and her mother, made matters even worse. Hence, Harriet was on her way to becoming a woman of steel.

It’s important to examine the many ways in which we were abused and hurt as children because they are still playing out in our daily life as adults. Equally as important is our need to know what beliefs we attached to the terrible things that happened to us. Those beliefs, like Harriet’s, are still fueling our inability to have happy, healthy relationships with ourselves and others. So if you are a man or woman of steel, get underneath your armor and find out what beliefs you need to release and free yourself from in order to become men and women of love.