Whose Puppet Are You?



“Pull the string and I'll wink at you, I'm your puppet
I'll do funny things if you want me to, I'm your puppet…
Your every wish is my command
All you gotta do is wiggle your little hand
I'm your puppet, I'm your puppet…
Pull them little strings and I'll sing you a song, I'm your puppet
Make me do right or make me do wrong, I'm your puppet
Treat me good and I'll do anything
I'm just a puppet and you hold my string, I'm your puppet
Yeah, I'm your puppet
Walking, talking, living, loving puppet
I'm hanging on a string, I'll do anything now…
I’m a smiling happy face when you want me to
Even make you happy when you're feeling blue.”
James & Bobby Purify, I’m Your Puppet (1966)

Anyone who has ever suffered from codependency knows what it’s like to be another person’s puppet. Many of us have made a career out of being most anyone’s puppet. We’ve allowed family, friends, pastors, teachers, bosses and even strangers on the street to pull our strings. And we’ve danced, smiled, nodded and winked at their every whim. We’ve done whatever we had to do to please them while we’ve demeaned ourselves.

Yes, we were willing to “do right” and to “do wrong.” We were willing to do anything to make ourselves acceptable and lovable to others—and to fill-up our desperate, anxious neediness inside. Unfortunately, in the process of trying to redeem ourselves, we actually made total fools out of ourselves by dancing to everyone’s song but our own. And we certainly did more “wrong” to ourselves than we did “right” in our ill-conceived attempts to please others.

Life is not about pleasing others. Life is about pleasing ourselves within proper boundaries. Pleasing ourselves doesn’t mean that we take advantage of others in the process, nor does it mean that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of either. No one should be anyone’s puppet. Everyone has to pull his/her own strings, do his own dance, sing her own song and live his/her life to the fullest in equal relationships with others.

So today ask yourself “Who’s pulling my strings?” Am I in control of my life? Do I march to my own drum beat, in my own unique way despite what anyone else thinks? Is my focus on my life and taking care of me? Am I meeting my needs and pleasing myself while doing no harm to anyone else in the process? Or am I still neglecting myself to please others, to get some scraps of attention or affirmation from them? Am I still caretaking—listening to people whine and complain for hours in an attempt to feel needed by them? Am I still dressing myself in clothes I don’t even like just to please someone else? Am I still refusing to be my own puppet master by refusing to give myself all of the love and attention I need to fill-up my inner-emptiness?

If we’re going to be a “smiling happy face” it should be because we are pleasing ourselves, or because we are having fun with others with NO STRINGS ATTACHED; no need for anyone to anxiously be bending over backwards to please anyone.

Recovery is all about living life to the fullest in the flow of the moment; being naturally happy while feeling good about ourselves and enjoying all that life and meaningful relationships have to offer us. It’s about being spontaneously happy with no need to please anyone. True pleasure arrives in the moment we choose to accept and love ourselves just as we are, and when we realize that we are the puppet masters of our lives. No one else can be.

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