Soulshine

“Yeah, tired of chasing old dreams, tired of wasting days Tired of waking mornings just to wait for you till late Tired of searching high, tired of getting low Tired of listening hard just to wait for you to know that I want you in everything In everything, in anything I do When will you make my phone ring And tell me I can't give you anything Anything at all now?” Deacon Blue, When Will You Make My Telephone Ring? (1988) One of the darkest days of my life involved being laid-off from a job. It was devastating, totally out of the blue. I never felt so numb in my life. Denial kicked-in, but it couldn’t mask the obvious questions that still ached through my mind: What am I gonna do? How will I pay my bills? What if I can’t find another job any time soon? I felt empty and void inside as I headed home that day. I was in a fog and felt like I was moving through each moment in slow motion. Once I got home, I flopped down into a chair and stared at my telephone...

“If you were raised in a family where closeness was not a reality, you are much more prone to form an addictive relationship for two reasons: first, you were taught to distance yourself from people, not connect with them; second, growing up in this type of family left you with a deep, lonely emptiness that you’ve wanted to have filled.” Craig Nakken , The Addictive Personality I grew up in a family that was emotionally and physically distant. In many ways we were like six separate people living in the same house. We were more like strangers than a family. We greeted each other in passing, but we rarely made attempts to do much with each other. Sure, we knew each other’s temperaments, and we definitely knew how to push each other’s buttons, how to evoke drama and invent chaos. We also knew how to hide from each other. We only talked when necessary and we shared—on an emotional level-- no more than we had to, mostly out of fear of abandonment. I was too afraid to reveal t...

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Neale Donald Walsch I’m beginning to think that life has always been a problem for me because my comfort zone is so massive and impossible for anyone to penetrate—including me. It holds me safely inside of it and it definitely keeps everyone else out—even those people I don’t really want to keep out. Actually, I’m realizing that I have been a prisoner of my comfort zone most all of my life. It was useful at first. It kept me safe from further rejection and emotional pain. But it grew with every year of my life until it grew into something so massive that I no longer had any power over it. I have been trapped inside my comfort zone for many years and never understood that it was holding me hostage. It’s true that life begins at the end of our comfort zones. And because I’ve never been able to penetrate my comfort zone, life has never truly begun for me. In recent weeks I’ve been trying to get beyond playing it safe. ...