Soulshine

“Who am I to judge?” Pope Francis Codependents, like most all addicts, spend a great deal of time playing prosecutor, judge and jury. Most of our attention is focused on ourselves. This is actually one situation where we do focus our attention on us—unfortunately. When it comes to negative energy, we have an abundance of it for ourselves. We are critical, merciless and unforgiving with our every fault or failing. Of course, this pattern of negative behavior causes us eventually to be just as easily critical, merciless and unforgiving towards others. I’ve come to believe that the people in this world who are most critical of others must either be codependent/addictive thinkers, or those who are totally obsessed with following rules, or both. And I’d like to see this all change. We need to make this world a kinder place. That means that we need to focus on being kind to ourselves, first and foremost. Once we can empathize with ourselves, we will stop being so self-criti...

“No day is the same as any other, and every morning holds its own special miracle, its magic moment in which old universes are destroyed and new stars created.” Paulo Coelho , Love (Selected Quotations) 2015 Codependents can be notorious for judging themselves—and others—harshly. We look in the mirror and we don’t see our authentic selves; we see all of the mean judgments we’ve made against ourselves. Then we go about our day projecting our harsh self-judgments onto most everyone else we encounter. Sometimes we can be like the Pharisees in the Gospel story about Zacchaeus. The Pharisees have already judged Zacchaeus to be a “sinner” because of his profession as tax collector for the Romans. Yet, what do they really know about Zacchaeus? Do they really know the workings of his heart? No. But more often than not, neither do we know the workings of another’s heart when we judge them harshly. Jesus Christ comes along and instead of judging Zacchaeus, he reaches out to him...

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. Mary has chosen the better way and it will not be denied her.” Jesus Christ, Gospel of Luke Addictive personalities are gods unto themselves. Even those of us who may be regular church-goers still suffer from self-godliness. We’re control freaks. We rule the world and everyone in it who affects us in any way. We’re all Martha’s, the Christian Patron Saint of Control Freaks. Like Martha we profess faith in a Higher Power, but we rarely relinquish control to that Higher Power. Every time we meet Martha in the Christian Gospels, she’s working hard at telling God what God needs to do, or she’s telling God how to correct the mistakes God has made. The quote above is taken from a story about Jesus visiting the home of the two sisters, Martha and Mary. Martha is anxious about preparing dinner while Mary is entertaining Jesus. Martha gets mad that Mary isn’t helping her and she commands Jesus to tell Mary to get ...

“What is a lie but a mistake with a purpose.” The Cisco Kid, The Gay Amigo (1949) People with addictive personalities are notorious for lying. Manipulation is the name of the game because we are so desperate to get what we want from others: love, happiness, approval, etc. And manipulation often requires telling lies. To complicate matters, telling lies to manipulate someone often requires that we tell more lies to cover-up the original lies. Eventually, it all becomes a complicated nightmare. Like the Cisco Kid says every lie is a mistake with a purpose. The purpose is to get what we want in any way that we can possibly get it, aside from being truthful. And right there lies the mistake. It is a mistake to think that truthfulness is a bad choice. Truthfulness is the right choice. Like Jesus Christ said “the truth will set you free.” And, in fact, it will. For one thing if we are truthful we will weed out the toxic people. The toxic people we are often attracted to d...

“What you have believed, let it be done for you.” Jesus Christ , Matthew 8 Ralph Waldo Emerson said every person is a doorway through which the Infinite passes into the finite. If this is true, and it sounds reasonable to me, then it sheds light on the above words of Jesus. We are all doorways and God flows through each of us into the world. As such, what we believe is crucial. If we believe in spiritual healing, our belief opens our inner-door and allows the power of God to bring healing to us. Thus what we believe is done for us— by God. If we believe we are worthwhile, lovable, attractive and capable people, it will be done for us. If we believe we deserve the best in life, it will be done for us. Likewise, if we believe we deserve to have the dark, wounded places healed within us, it will be done for us. Is this magic? No. If we believe we are worthy of all that is good, we will attract what we need to make our lives better. For example, if we have deep inner-wou...

“Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.” Jesus Christ, Gospel of Matthew To be perfect as God is perfect means to be complete or whole as God is. We can’t be complete or whole, however, if we are divided. I can’t be complete or whole if I am divided against myself. I can’t be complete or whole if I am divided against others. And I can’t be complete or whole if I am divided against my Higher Power. If I am my own worst enemy, I will feel empty and hopeless inside because I am divided against myself. If I am filled with hatred or resentment toward another person, I will feel angry, anxious and fearful because I am divided against them (and myself as well). If I am angry with God, but too afraid to express it to God, I will feel bitter and helpless inside because I am divided against God (and myself as well). Even if we are not personally divided against ourselves through self-loathing, we will still be divided against ourselves if we are divided against another...