Soulshine

“Baby, I'd love you to want me The way that I want you, the way that it should be Baby, you'd love me to want you The way that I want to if you'd only let it be.” Lobo, I’d Love You to Want Me (1972) I first heard Lobo’s song “I’d Love You to Want Me” back when I was in high school. The lyrics and the tune haunted my heart. All of my young life I had wanted someone to want me, to love me. At the time, I thought more in terms of finding a lover my age, but looking back now, I think there was something much deeper going on inside me. I think the need this song evoked in me was first and foremost about the love and acceptance that I never received from my parents. I wanted them to love and accept me for being me. I wanted them to want me as their child. But that never happened, or at least I never knew it or felt like they loved and accepted me unconditionally. It was from this wounded place inside that I then projected outwardly, wanting a lover w...

“What is a lie but a mistake with a purpose.” The Cisco Kid, The Gay Amigo (1949) People with addictive personalities are notorious for lying. Manipulation is the name of the game because we are so desperate to get what we want from others: love, happiness, approval, etc. And manipulation often requires telling lies. To complicate matters, telling lies to manipulate someone often requires that we tell more lies to cover-up the original lies. Eventually, it all becomes a complicated nightmare. Like the Cisco Kid says every lie is a mistake with a purpose. The purpose is to get what we want in any way that we can possibly get it, aside from being truthful. And right there lies the mistake. It is a mistake to think that truthfulness is a bad choice. Truthfulness is the right choice. Like Jesus Christ said “the truth will set you free.” And, in fact, it will. For one thing if we are truthful we will weed out the toxic people. The toxic people we are often attracted to d...