Soulshine

Sometimes the aching inside is so intense that it feels like I’m drowning in sadness and despair. In that moment, I realize there’s a dagger inside that has been shredding my heart and bleeding my soul for countless years. And that dagger is a childhood experience of having my self-worth destroyed by an adult. The dagger twists relentlessly inside of me. It feels like there’s no hope. There’s nothing left to cling to, not even God. Everything has failed me. I’m gasping for inner-air, but there is none. I cry to God one more time, but I’m getting tired of this. “What is this feeling tied to?” I scream. “What happened that so destroyed my soul? I don’t remember. Help me to know what it is and to heal it!!!” Silence. I feel some relief from having expressed my feelings out-loud. But the overwhelming sadness is still haunting me. The past fades to black and I’m ready to give up on tomorrow. Still, I go about preparing for my day, knowing that if I allow these horrible feelings to...

“I’m never afraid. I Never look down. I always look up. That’s why I’m a very remarkable fellow! It’s wonderful the things I feel… Sometimes I could reach out and touch a star!” Chico, 7 th Heaven (1927) Positive thinking makes a tremendous difference in our lives. It’s all about perspective. And growing up in an alcoholic household didn’t allow me the chance to develop much in the way of a positive perspective. I spent most of my childhood feeling pretty hopeless. And the older I got, the less hope I had that things were going to get better. My teen-age years were far worse than my preteen years. Certainly, I learned to look down a lot, and if I felt remarkable in any way, it was remarkably worthless. I had learned to give all of my power away to my parents and that started a trend. Likewise, I gave my power away to mean-spirited teachers, peers and even complete strangers. I had learned to be the perpetual victim, who freely gave his power away because he felt ...