Soulshine

“What can you buy That lifts a heavy heart to the sky? What makes your day? What miracle of life Has come to stay? A taste of love.” New Order , Restless (2015) New Order is one of my favorite ‘80s bands. When I heard the first lines of their new song Restless (“What can you buy that lifts a heavy heart to the sky?”), it was a wake-up call for me. All of my life I have sought to lift my heavy heart through buying things. For the most part, I was trying to fill-up the spiritual emptiness I felt inside from never having good healthy relationships. Anytime a relationship was souring, I’d head to the Mall, or the record store or to Amazon.com to lift my heavy heart. And everything I purchased seemed so essential at the time. It was if I had to have all of these things or I would die. It was like taking a drug to help me escape all of the empty, horrible feelings that were driving me to destruction. But the truth is that there is NOTHING you can buy that will trul...

“I learned through weaknesses And through the web of your lies That everyday I live Another piece of me dies And in the black and white I found a need to move on To find a road of gold A throne to live upon.” Cause & Effect, It’s Over Now (1994) Sometimes we have to be careful when we feel the need to find that “road of gold.” Is it really a “need” to grow more fully into who we are, or is it a “compulsion” to escape from life—and primarily to escape from ourselves? I often feel trapped or stuck. Suddenly I’m not happy with my career, with the work I’m doing, with my surroundings or with the people in my life. I long to trash it all, to pick myself up and to travel down that road of gold. I tell myself I could flourish so much more in California ; in Los Angeles , San Diego or San Francisco . I’d be free—free to be me, free to enjoy life, free to be more fully creative. And that may all be true. Or it may be that I am simply wanting to escape fro...